The Parting: Strained Relationships

Bob and Samantha continued dating and, to an outsider, it appeared everything was going well.  The relationship was a strain on Bob.  On the one hand, he enjoyed and appreciated Samantha.  Also, the sex was great.  However, each time they had sex, Bob felt guilty.  He tried to hide it but Samantha noticed a distance whenever they finished. 

At first she thought it a typical man thing.  Men always wanted to leave after sex.  Therefore, she didn’t think too much of it though doubts started to creep into her mind.  Finally, curiosity and a bit of despair got the best of her and she asked what he was thinking.  “Right now?”  Bob asked. 

“Of course, right now.”

“I feel guilty.”

“Guilty?  Why?”

“Well, I still feel sex before marriage is wrong.  I’m living the life of a hypocrite.  I feel guilty.” 

This cut Samantha to the quick.  She believed their relationship was getting better but it obviously wasn’t.  It was all an illusion.  For a brief moment she wanted to cry but instead she got angry.  Though she was steaming hot, she still spoke in a collected manner.  The rest of the night they discussed their relationship.  It became obvious to Samantha that she was more into the relationship than Bob. 

During the drive home, Bob felt horrible.  What was he doing?  He had a great woman and was being an idiot.  Yes, he knew he shouldn’t be sleeping with her.  She had so many other great qualities.  The following day he spoke with his father, but not with any detail about the relationship, and during the conversation, he decided he needed to stop sleeping with Samantha.  He would no longer feel guilty and felt they could improve the relationship. 

When he called Samantha after talking with his father, he learned that she planned a trip back to her home town.  She explained the need to get away for a bit.  Bob was deeply troubled by this but felt he had no place to make her cancel the trip.  He did not mention his thoughts on abstinence and hopes to deepen the relationship. 

Before Samantha left, she told him not to call or text.  She wanted time away.  Her words cut him but he said nothing.  He agreed to not try to contact her but did reserve the right if there was an emergency.  With that, he decided to spend her time away praying, reading the bible and getting his life back in order. 

The Parting: The Bridge Stands

It was a couple weeks later and Charlotte had contacted the local college.  They had a Journalism degree.  Charlotte applied and was accepted.  Her grades from high school weren’t that good so she didn’t qualify for any scholarships but she could get the Pell Grant and a couple other grants.  Of course, she was offered student loans but was leery of them since she had heard horror stories of people having problems paying them off when they finished college. 

She was grateful the chiropractor was willing to work with her schedule.  She felt guilty about the whole thing.  To Charlotte, it seemed she announced she was leaving.  While it would happen in a few years, she kept telling herself that she couldn’t expect to stay there forever in spite of the great work atmosphere.  She really didn’t want to leave that.  Still, the more she thought of Mr. Engle’s words of encouragement, the more she determined in her heart that she would make something of herself.  She would make him proud.  Also, in a small, back corner of her heart, she wanted it to be revenge for Jack leaving her.  She would become successful. 

With that part of her life set up, she felt the need to speak to someone.  She picked up her cell phone and dialed.  She heard a faint “Hello” on the phone and realized it must be a bad connection.  Charlotte spoke loudly, “Nancy?  Can you hear me?” 

A little clearer and louder, Nancy replied, “I can hear you fine.  Can you hear me?” 

“Yes, I can I hear you fine now.  When you answered, it sounded like you were on the other side of world.  How are you?”

“I am doing just fine, dear, how are you?”

Charlotte noted she said “Dear.”  She had never called her ‘dear” before.  “Fine, thank you.  I just wanted to touch base with you and find out what is going on with you and tell you that I am going to start college classes in the fall.”

“That’s great!  I’m so proud of you.  What are you going to study?”

“Journalism.  I want to write things that inspire people.” 

“I know you can and will.” 

“How is John?  Have you heard from Jack?”  Charlotte felt funny asking about Jack but even though he ended the relationship, she still cared about him as a person and knew Jack was Nancy’s son.  Of course, Jack was still important to her. 

“John has Senioritis real bad.  He is counting down the days until he is ‘outta that stupid place’ as he says.  He plans to go to the local college for now but doesn’t know what his major will be.  I don’t know what is going on with Jack.  I expected him home a couple month’s ago.  He doesn’t tell me what he is doing.  When he does bother to call, he says he is still with the Andaluz’s so I guess and hope he is in good hands.  Well, I hope so and I hope he is telling me the truth.  I just don’t understand why he is staying there so long.  I really feel he has overstayed his welcome.  I’m a little embarrassed.  Needless to say, I am concerned.” 

“That does seem odd.  I hope he is ok.”

“It makes me happy to know you still care about him.”

“Love doesn’t completely die.” 

Nancy pondered this statement for a moment in silence.  Her mind flashed to an old high school boy friend.  The two of them were very close but they graduated, went their separate ways and the relationship ended.  He had come to her mind several times in the last few months and she wondered what happened to him.  Would she see him at the upcoming class reunion? 

“I suppose you are right.”

The two spoke for a few more minutes about local news and other items in their lives and ended the call.  Both of them were happy they could still talk without the broken relationship with Jack interfering.  Without saying it to each other, they each resolved to stay in touch throughout their lives. 

The Parting: A Smoldering Ember Sparks

Charlotte smiled at the elderly gentleman that flirted with her.  Mr. Engle had been coming to the chiropractor for many years.  Though he was nearly 80, he looked like he was in his 60s.  Shortly after she started working in the front office for the chiropractor, Mr. Engle came in for an adjustment.  When Charlotte got his chart and glanced at it, she was surprised to see he was much older than he looked. 

After a couple more chiropractic visits, Charlotte asked him how he stays so young and fit.  He gave her a wink and answered, “I chase younger women.”  Ever since that day, Charlotte enjoyed the times Mr. Engle came in.  He kidded with everyone in the office, even the chiropractor.  Once, when he was getting an adjustment, he yelled loud enough for people in the waiting room to hear, “Ouch, you’re killing me.  Help!  Someone call 9-1-1.” 

When Mr. Engle stopped by the desk before leaving, he asked Charlotte, “So, beautiful, when are you and me gonna go out?”  She laughed and said, “I’ve told you before that my mom told me to watch out for men like you.  I always do what my mom says.  I’m a good girl.” 

Then Mr. Engle got serious for a moment.  He looked deep into her eyes and said, “What are you doing here?  Why do you work here?  I could see you doing much bigger things than this.” 

Charlotte was slight taken aback but replied, “I gotta pay the bills, you know.  Besides, I’m happy working here.  Dr. Pratt is good to me and the staff.”

“I understand that but I can see you doing much more than this.  You are such a nice young lady and you must have some smarts to be able to keep this place humming along the way it does. Promise me something.”

“What?”

“Go get a good education or whatever you need to do to move onto something bigger and better.  Either that or run away with me.” 

Charlotte let out a laugh.  “Ok I will.”

“You’ll run away with me?”

“No, you know what I mean.”

Mr. Engle’s words touched a nerve within Charlotte.  That night, his words repeated themselves in her mind.  “I could see you doing much bigger things than this.”  Dormant dreams she had as a little girl started to return to surface.  She saw moments of greatness, adoration.  She saw herself accepting awards.  She wanted to be a journalist.  She had always dreamed of publishing columns in a newspaper or magazine.  She wanted lives to be changed by her insights and wit. 

Then reality returned and she remembered she had no money to pay for college classes.  Then again, she thought, you don’t need money to write a column.  You just need to write.  Still, she realized a college degree would go a long way toward that goal.  She decided that since she promised Mr. Engle, she would get information from the community college.  At minimum, she could get basic classes out of the way even if they didn’t offer a journalism degree. 

Charlotte faintly remembered dreaming about sitting at a lap top and typing away, creating a Pulitzer prize winner.  Then Mr. Engle came up behind her and patted her on the shoulder.  She turned to see him smiling at her. 

The Parting: Turning the Page

Nancy walked to the pantry for the second time.  Again she forgot what item she wanted.  She went back to the stove and tried to recall what she was doing in order to trigger the memory of what she wanted.  Bingo!  Olive oil.  She said “Olive oil” out loud as she walked to the pantry, grabbed the olive oil and went back to cooking. 

She was back to making meals for two.  It was just a short time more and John would be away to college and she would be cooking for one.  Then what?  The day was approaching fast and she didn’t like the idea.  While parenting can be hard, it was one of the few things she truly enjoyed.  She loved her boys.  She loved being a mom.  That chapter of life was coming to an end and it made her sad not to have boys in the house. 

She wanted to talk with someone.  She wanted to chat with Charlotte.  It seemed like yesterday she and Charlotte would spend time together, getting to know one another.  Back then she believed the young woman would one day be her daughter-in-law.  Now it seemed a distant dream. 

She pulled her cell phone from her purse and pressed the speed dial for Charlotte.  She felt a little apprehensive about calling.  Charlotte was a grown woman with her own life.  While Nancy presumed she was hurting over the break up, maybe she had moved on.  Maybe she didn’t want to speak with her any more.  She started to hang up when she heard Charlotte’s voice.  She quickly realized it was Charlotte’s voice mail.  Nancy hung up. 

Nancy went back to cooking dinner.  She was deep in thought when John walked in. 

“Hi mom.”

“Hi honey.  How was school?”

“Good.”

“How was practice?”

“Good.  What’s for dinner?”

Feeling a little playful yet put off by his short replies she said, “Food.”

“Ha ha!  What food are we going to eat?”

Nancy smiled.  “I’m so old, I don’t remember any more.” 

“You are in a mood tonight aren’t you, old lady?”

“This old lady is still young enough to spank your skinny butt.” 

“You gotta catch me first.” 

“My car goes fast.” 

John hugged his mom.  Oh how she loved her boys.  She wished Jack was home.  She wondered how much longer he would be gone.  He already stayed beyond the return date on his ticket.  When he told her of the change, he said he wasn’t sure when he’d return but he would. 

Maybe that was why she was in a funk. With Jack still unsettled, she felt unsettled.  She knew she would get through this but she didn’t like being in the middle of it.  She and John discussed current events over dinner.  He was such a good boy.  He never caused her any heart ache.  She made it a point to tell him so as they picked up the dishes. 

That night as she lay in bed she prayed.  She prayed for her boys and for Charlotte.  She prayed for the heaviness on her heart.  She asked for someone to talk to.  She wanted a soul mate.  She didn’t really want a husband, just someone with whom she could share her heart. 

The Parting: A Night of Fun

Bob spoke with his dad via Facetime.  Bob had an iPad and his father had an iPhone.  Bob always liked the fact that his dad was not afraid of technology.  He enjoyed using it to his advantage and, though he sometimes had to ask how to use something, he liked jumping in and getting his feet wet. 

They spoke for a about 45 minutes about various topics such as, sports, the weather, current events and the economy.  They walked around their homes as they spoke.  Whenever they spoke, Matthew asked about Samantha.  Bob typically said she was good and mentioned something about her life.  When he asked this time, Bob was silent for a moment.  A twinge of guilt swept over him.  Matthew instantly believed the worst.  He asked, “Did you break up?”

“No it isn’t that.”

“Are you having problems?”

“I guess you could say that.”

“Well, I know the two of you can work it out.  You are both sharp people.  I know I’ve told you how I feel about her.  She has a good heart and I see in her a person who will take care of you.  I know sometimes it can be hard in relationships.  At the beginning you are on your best behavior but then as time goes on you start to relax.  That’s when little things can start to bug you.” 

“Yes, dad, I know.”

“You just need to remember to focus on why you loved that person in the first place.  That person is still in there.  They didn’t go away unless you drove them away.  Samantha is a good girl.  She is special.”

In spite of starting to lose focus on his dad’s remarks, Bob was reminded of why he loved Charlotte.  This brought him back into the conversation.  He didn’t really know why he liked Charlotte.  He was just attracted to her but he had a relationship with Samantha and truly did appreciate her.  Could it be that he was going to lose what was in front of him for something that was on the periphery?  He had Samantha if he wanted her.  He was still afraid to even consider Charlotte due to Jack’s threat. 

Bob ended the call saying he had to get ready for a date that night.  For as long as they had dated, Samantha and Bob never went to the movies.  This evening was the first time.  Bob picked her up and the two of them drove to the theater.  It started snowing as they went to the box office and continued snowing during the movie.  The couple held hands during the movie and Samantha leaned her head on Bob’s shoulder.  He normally wasn’t very affectionate.  On this night, he leaned down and softly kissed her on the cheek or the top of her head a few times.  A feeling of warm security swept over Samantha.  Her heart smiled. 

As they exited the theater, they walked into a world that was made anew.  Big, fluffy flakes were falling and there was almost 2 inches of snow on the ground and cars.  The two of them walked to the car arm in arm.  As they got to Bob’s car, Samantha scooped two handfuls of snow and quickly made a snowball and threw it at Bob.  He was a little surprised and said with an angry voice but with a smile on his face, “Oh no you didn’t!” 

He quickly formed a snowball of his own and threw it at Samantha.  So began an epic snowball fight in the movie theater parking lot that eventually involved 4 other couples and 3 families.  People were running between cars, hiding behind them and each other.  Alliances formed within couples and families but it seemed inevitable there were turncoats.  Laughter filled the air. 

Finally, with cold, red fingers Bob and Samantha said goodbye to old friends and people they just met and drove back to Samantha’s apartment where she made hot chocolate with marshmallows.  The two of them sat on the couch in front of the tv.  They watched mindlessly for a while when Bob put his arm around Samantha and kissed her on the side of her head.  She turned to look at him.  He had a look of desire in his eyes.  She had never seen this look before. 

Previously, Bob veiled his eyes as a means to fight temptation.  Now he let the hunger take him and he showed it in his eyes.  He wanted her.  Their lips met and electricity flowed through them. 

Samantha felt loved.  She felt happy.  She felt complete.  Bob was a wonderful man.  Her life had never been better.

Memories Make Us Rich

Many years ago when our oldest son was in Scouts, we went camping.  It was our first time camping and most memorable.  We had a new tent and I am glad it held up.  We endured a terrible thunderstorm that night.  We hunkered down and waited for it to pass.  I remember lying there and hearing the raindrops beat against the side of the tent.  I could feel water, like a mist, falling onto my face.  Dan asked if we should pack up and leave.  We had heard other families do that.  I told him we would stay.  We would remember this night the rest of our lives.  We still talk about that night.

Earlier this year, my brother and I hiked in the Appalachians.  Our last night, we were on top of a mountain and the wind blew terribly all night as we tried to sleep in our hammocks.  I’m not exaggerating when I say the gusts had to have been 40 mph.  I know it rained a little and am grateful it wasn’t a lot.  Still, I will remember that night the rest of my life.

Have you ever noticed normal events in life quickly fade from memory?  Your normal routine flies by without notice and is quickly forgotten.  It is the things that are outlandish that stick with us.  To make memories, we must do something different.  It doesn’t have to be something crazy, just something different.  Summer is upon us.  Let’s make memories with the ones we love.  Go camping, cruising, parasailing, snorkeling or diving.  Do something that is out of the norm for you.  Make memories.  Memories make us rich.

The Parting: Time to Go

Guilt haunted Bob for a few days.  He was relieved he was not scheduled to sing at church that weekend since he would have felt like a hypocrite.  Nevertheless, he and Samantha discussed what had happened.  Bob apologized repeatedly but Samantha would not hear of it.  She apologized for pushing him. 

 

Bob suggested maybe they should take time away from each other.  This scared Samantha.  She felt she was finally in a meaningful relationship and she did not want it to end.  Therefore, she strongly protested the very mention of it.  She insisted that, surely, grown adults could work through it. 

 

Bob wanted to say that he believed she was more into the relationship than he was.  He knew he found Samantha attractive and believed she was an exceptional person.  Deep down, he knew his heart still belonged to Charlotte.  Now that he admitted this to himself, he felt guilty again for his intimacy with Samantha.  Except now he felt he cheated on Charlotte.  Instantly, he remembered a sermon he heard as a teenager.  The speaker mentioned that there is a place for fires when you are camping.  They belong in the fire pit.  There is a place for sex.  It belongs in marriage. 

 

A crippling fear swept over Bob.  He couldn’t love the person he was with because he was in love with another.  It became plain to him that he needed to end his relationship with Samantha.  Still, he did not want to hurt her.  She didn’t deserve that.  While he believed he needed to do it soon, he decided to wait for a more opportune time.  Maybe she would realize the relationship wasn’t right.

 

Nancy couldn’t help but think of the one time she sent her boys to visit her parents for a month one summer.  Money was tight and she and her husband were working hard to make ends meet.  She couldn’t work and watch the boys so it was decided they would spend time with grandma and grandpa.  Jack and John were on the verge of tears as the time for them to board the bus neared.  While they were excited to visit their grandparents, the reality of separation and the long bus ride hit all three of them hard. 

 

Though dying inside, she told her boys to be brave and they would be ok.  The time would go by fast and they would return home in no time.  As the boys went to board the bus, John tightly held onto Jack’s hand.  Tears rolled down John’s face while Jack struggled to be brave.  He had the same look in his eyes when Nancy dropped him off at the airport.  He knew he had to do this but was apprehensive.  How she wished she could go to the departing gate with him.  Of course, she couldn’t with airport security the way it currently is. 

 

She pulled up to the curb and they both got out of the car and walked to the trunk.  Jack took his luggage from the trunk and placed it on the curb, then turned to his mother.  She hugged her boy tightly.  He said, “I love you, mom.”  She burst into tears. 

 

“I love you, too  I hope you find what you need.” 

 

He hadn’t planned to say it but he felt it necessary.  “I won’t be long.  I will come home.” 

 

“That’s my boy.” 

The Parting: A Regrettable Decision

Bob and Samantha continued dating.  While Samantha believed the relationship was deepening, Bob was not committed.  He enjoyed Samantha’s company.  He found her to be as attractive inside as outside.  As they got to know each other, their relationship became physical.  Even though her heart had softened toward God and she wanted to live a Christian life, sex had been a part of her life for many years.  Therefore, it seemed natural to have sex with someone she loved.  Bob refused. 

 

Still, Bob allowed their intimate moments to go further than he had ever gone before.  It wasn’t enough for Samantha.  On the one hand, it soothed the romantic notions of her feminine side for a man to want to wait until marriage to have sex.  However, as a woman who had had sex before, it was like never being able to reach an itch.  Consequently, she often found herself pulled in two directions.  One, she wanted Bob to give it to her.  Two, she wanted to honor Bob’s commitment to be a virgin when he married. 

 

This was a problem bubbling beneath the surface.  Due to sexual frustration, Samantha found herself being a little more aggressive when the two of them were alone and this gave Bob concern about where the relationship was going.  At the same time, it made him feel good that Samantha wanted him.  For him, it was important to be wanted and desirable to a woman.  It also fueled his manly desires for sex. 

 

After a few nights of intimacy, Bob and Samantha ended up doing everything but actual intercourse.  They were able to satisfy each other and though Samantha was relieved, Bob felt guilty.  He felt he had not merely crossed a line. He broke through a wall into a land he was not supposed to enter.  He cried as he drove home that night.  Even though he knew some of Samantha’s sexual history, he believed in his heart that he took something from her.  He also gave away something that shouldn’t have been given.  He felt so ashamed.  How he could apologize to Samantha and gain her forgiveness.

The Parting: Heart to Heart

It was a few days before Charlotte was able to meet with Nancy. Charlotte considered talking to her over the phone but felt she needed a face to face talk. Actually, she believed it needed to be a heart to heart and it was necessary to see Nancy’s face. She didn’t want to come across as a child telling on another or as a jilted lover. She wanted to pour out the hurt she felt and to ensure Nancy was aware of Jack’s actions. Despite the pain, Charlotte still cared for Jack’s well being.

Charlotte invited Nancy to her house. She didn’t want to be in a public place since she was certain there would be tears. She was right. She started by saying that she may or may not know that Jack ended their relationship. Though Jack had not directly told her, Nancy surmised that to be the case due to Jack’s lack of obvious communication and time spent with Charlotte. Once that fact was established, Charlotte shared a few details of Jack’s behavior with assurances that she did not want to appear petty or trite. While she was deeply hurt the relationship ended, she knew she would survive but honestly feared for Jack and his ability to get over his time in Afghanistan.

Nancy related to Charlotte sympathy for her broken heart and expressed her concern for Jack. She mentioned Jack’s upcoming trip to visit MIA’s family believing Charlotte knew about it. Charlotte was unaware of this and the expression on her face upon hearing this news clearly revealed that fact. Therefore, Nancy gave what little information she had on the subject.

The time together, though heart breaking for both of them, was appreciated and mutually beneficial. Nevertheless, they parted feeling empty. Charlotte had feelings of guilt for thinking she should have been more receptive to Bob. She felt it best they were left unsaid. She also realized that in spite of the hurt, it was better to do the right thing than to feel guilty for doing the wrong thing.

While it felt good to reconnect on a deeper level with Charlotte for the first time since Jack returned, Nancy couldn’t shake the feeling this was the last time they would do so. Why would Charlotte continue to stay close to her? She was sure to find another man and the closeness of their relationship would be a distant memory. This thought made her sad.

The Parting: Getting Ready to Leave

It was like a magnetic pull. Yet for Jack, it was undeniable. There was something about the Andaluz family that Jack couldn’t get out of his mind. It wasn’t just the fact that Jack found Marta beautiful. The Andaluz’s were wonderful caring people. Why did he have such a strong urge to be with them?

He pondered this thought for a few days. He loved his mom and brother and in spite of the difficulties he had since returning from Afghanistan, he felt they had a good relationship. Still, he could not answer the question. Why did he have an urge to visit MIA’s family?
The next few days, Jack spent time with JoJo and, though he didn’t mention it right away, he brought up the subject of MIA’s family. JoJo also noticed and commented on the beauty of the Andaluz women. He also felt they were very nice people. Finally, Jack brought up the topic of visiting them. JoJo was silent for a moment. Then he said with a smile, “You know I think you’re a dumbass, right? I don’t know what you are talking about but if you think you need to spend some time with them, maybe that is what you need to do.”

“But how would I explain this to my mom, to them?”

“Just tell it the way it is. Your mom may not understand but I think she’d be ok with it. The issue is MIA’s family. I don’t know about how they will react to you wanting to visit them. Do you even have a phone number or a way to contact someone?”

“When I spoke with Marta for a few minutes, she gave me her phone number and for her parents.”

“Well, there ya go.”

“Yeah.”

Jack started to ask if JoJo he thought Jack should tell Charlotte he was leaving. Then he decided what was the point? He ended the relationship so why even see her?

Later that night, Jack called the Andaluz family. MIA’s mom, Maria, answer the phone. Jack gave his name and after a moment of silence from Maria, said he was a friend of Miguel. Then Maria remembered her son’s friend that she recently met. The two of them exchanged pleasantries when Jack decided he had to just get it out. He said, “Would it be ok if I came to visit you and your family next week for a few days?” There was a distinct feeling of confusion from Maria but she said, “Yes, by all means. Come on up.”

The hard part of the equation was out of the way. Now he had to tell his mother. Nancy took the news with concern and confusion. She said, “You know I love you and support you. I do not understand but if you feel you need to spend with MIA’s family and they are ok with it, then go.” Then almost as an afterthought she said, “You know where your home is.”

“Yes, mom, I do.”

The Parting: December 26

Samantha made it a point to go to visit Bob before his father returned home and back to his life. She felt a connection with Matthew. Though she didn’t realize it yet, she inwardly hoped he could be the father she never had. Romantic thoughts of a little girl swept back into her soul. The little girl that wanted her dad to be her hero, just the thought made her heart feel light. It was such a contrast to a father that daily devastated her dreams.

Bob wasn’t home when she arrived but Matthew invited her in and the two of them sat at the kitchen table. Matthew made it a point to say that friends sit in the living room but family sits in the kitchen. Warm feelings flooded Samantha’s soul. She started to tear up and this surprised the elderly man who thought he said something wrong.

Before he could say anything, Samantha apologized. She said, “I realize you may not understand this but I’ve never felt like I was part of a family so it really makes me happy to think that I could, some day, be a part of this one.”

“I’d be happy to call you my daughter and to hear you call me dad.” He smiled.

After a few more tears, she said with a small laugh, “Ok, dad.”

Jack braced himself for the next few hours. He anticipated it to be an emotional time. He never liked funerals. Ever since he was little and had to go to his grandma’s funeral, he hated them. The only bright spot was the hope of seeing buddies he served with in Afghanistan. What he didn’t anticipate was MIA’s family. Jack had never really been around Hispanics other than MIA and a few of the other’s in his unit.

The Andaluz family was devoutly Catholic. They had 8 children and Miguel was the youngest. All of the siblings and both parents were in attendance as well as several aunts, uncles, and cousins. It was a time of sobbing and hugging for all of them. The Andaluz family instantly embraced Jack and JoJo as one of their own. This in itself made the day easier for both of the young men.

The service itself was long in Jack’s mind and he leaned over to JoJo and murmured that it was taking forever. JoJo mentioned back that that is typical of Catholic funerals. When the service finished and the reception began, MIA’s oldest sister, Marta, pulled Jack to the side and asked him more about the Miguel that Jack knew. She also wanted to know what happened that her baby brother would take his own life.

Jack related little snippets of his life with MIA while they were in the military. He also filled in some things about his wife leaving. As he said these things, his mind wandered to his dream. He told the sister he never had about the semi smashing into the car in front of him. He knew MIA would take a bullet for him. He would do the same for him and JoJo. These men loved each other. They were his brothers.

He went home that night and hugged his mom and cried. Then he did the same to his brother, John. Both of them told him how much they loved him and how much they hurt for him. Jack remembered a time when he was little and he fell and skinned his knee. As his mother bandaged his knee, she said, “I will make the ouchie feel better.” Finally, he said, “Mom, I have an ouchie on my heart and I don’t know how to make it feel better. I don’t think you can make it feel better. I don’t know what to do about it.”

Nancy hugged her boy again. Though her heart broke for him, she was glad he could still speak to her about it. She said, “Would you like to speak to Pastor Bill about it?”

“I suppose I can but I don’t think he would really understand.”

“You may be right but you know he is someone who can empathize. I will call him and set up an appointment.”

Jack agreed. Later, he lay in bed thinking of the Andaluz family. He knew they were hurting from their loss. Still, he saw them as a breath of fresh air. They were good people.

Why did you have to do it now MIA? Why at Christmas time? Now the season is stained.

The Parting: Late Christmas Day

After dining with Bob and his father, Samantha drove to Charlotte’s house. The two girls related their days. Samantha spoke in glowing terms of Bob and his father. Charlotte merely mentioned she felt a sense of gloom. Samantha gave Charlotte a gift to open. It was a small picture frame with the words “Faith, Hope, and Love” in large bold purple letters set on a beige background. Charlotte’s gift to Samantha was also a frame. It was a larger frame but it contained a picture of the two ladies from an outing earlier that year. Samantha remembered the two wore the same shoes and laughed when they noticed. They also remembered it as a day their relationship deepened. They hugged when they heard a car pull up.

Charlotte said out loud but not really to Samantha, “It’s Jack.” Samantha could tell there was trepidation in her voice. Samantha kept looking at Charlotte until Charlotte glanced back and finally said, “I think Jack is going to break up tonight.”

“Oh no! I’m so sorry. Do you want me to stay?” Samantha asked hoping she wouldn’t have to. While she wanted to be there for her friend, the thought of hanging around seemed very awkward. Still, she was willing for her friend. “No, I think you should go. I’ll call you when we are done talking.” With that, they hugged and Samantha left.

Jack shut off the car and took a deep breath. He was lost in thought and didn’t acknowledge Samantha at all when she walked by his car. He didn't want to do what he was about to do. He exhaled slowly as he tried to form the words in his mind. Charlotte had been close to his heart for a long time. While part of him rebelled at what his was about to do, breaking off his relationship with Charlotte seemed the only logical thing to do. Relationships just didn’t make much sense anymore. Why try being close to people that end up being taken away from you? Heartache and pain seem to be the only end for everyone. The death of MIA solidified that fact in Jack's mind.

The whole episode at Charlotte's house was hazy in his mind. However, he does remember saying something about his need to think things through, he was different since his deployment, and it wasn't right of him to waste her time waiting for him to get his act together.

He remembered tears in Charlotte's eyes. He remembered her saying, “No, please don't do this.” He remembered seeing the moment her eyes revealed her realization there was nothing that would change the inevitable. She knew she had to accept it. Sobbing. Jack remembered Charlotte sobbing. He didn't want to see her hurting and suggested he should leave. She started to protest but just stopped speaking when Jack stood and walked to the door.

As if he were being controlled by another force, Jack absentmindedly hugged her and simply said, "Goodbye Charlotte." He then walked out to his car and drove away. Charlotte believed that it would have hurt less if he had actually ripped her heart out and stepped on it.

She called Samantha and described the events to her. Samantha asked if she could come over. Ordinarily, Charlotte would have refused but on this occasion, she agreed. Charlotte slept fitfully, waking numerous times. How would she get over this? She was grateful her friend was there to soften the blow. She thought of the present Samantha had given her. Samantha’s life had changed for the better. Bob was a good man and was a good influence on her. She thought back to when she and Nancy shared so much with each other. Shared sorrow is half sorrow, she thought. Lord, when will I have joy again? She hadn’t really spoken with Nancy since Jack’s return. She wasn’t sure if she could share this with her. Then again, maybe Nancy was hurting too. With that thought, she resolved to call Nancy in the morning to see how she was. Shortly thereafter, she slipped back into sleep.

The Parting: Christmas

Charlotte thought back to the conversation she had with Jack the previous day and remembered how she slowly hung up the phone when they finished. She remembered a time when she would have been excited to hear from Jack. This call left her feeling cold. Jack had called and related the events at MIA’s house. Charlotte said several times how sorry she was but Jack never reacted to her condolences one way or another. Did he hear her?  Ordinarily, he would have at least said, “thank you” or gave some type of acknowledgement. When it seemed his retelling of the events was winding down, she was going to ask if she could come over but he said he would like to meet with her. There was something in his voice that said she would not receive good news when they spoke.

Driving home from MIA’s house, Jack felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. He had only been discharged from the military for a short time. He was having trouble adjusting to civilian life, he still hadn’t found a job and, though his mother hadn’t said anything, he knew the extra mouth to feed was hurting the family budget. He had been looking for jobs but with the economy still poor in that part of the country, they were hard to find. He was learning that his lack of skills was part of the problem. He joined the military shortly after high school and had only been trained to fight. A few years ago he watched the HBO movie, “The Pacific.”  He felt like one of the main characters, Eugene Sledge, after he returned home from the war. He tried to attend college but when they asked if he had any skills they could use, Eugene said he was trained to kill the Japanese and he was pretty good at it.  Then he walked out. Jack was beginning to feel he needed to walk out and be less of a burden on his mother.

Samantha drove down the road with a smile on her face. She was going to Bob’s house and was going to meet his father, who was visiting from out of town. Shortly after Bob graduated from college, Bob’s father, Matthew, lost his job but found employment in a town that was about a 4 hour drive away. Matthew’s wife died shortly thereafter of breast cancer. He was still single and enjoyed his son and daughter who lived on the other side of the country. He split the holidays between them each year. He would spend Thanksgiving with one and Christmas with the other. Then he would switch the next year. Samantha felt it was a good sign for the relationship to meet Bob’s dad.

Matthew was curious to meet the young lady his son mentioned. He’d never known Bob to date women and occasionally had fleeting concerns his son was gay. This confirmed in his mind that it was not the case. Matthew made a couple of his favorite foods for Christmas dinner: garlic and rosemary roast duck with asparagus. He also tried his wife’s pumpkin pie recipe for the first time. He let it overcook a little and the top started turning black. Oh well, he thought, I’m still trying to get the hang of this baking stuff. He could cook on the grill or stove but using the oven was still new to him. He looked forward to a relaxing day.

Bob was always happy to spend time with his father. This Christmas was no exception. The more he got to know Samantha, the more he appreciated the person she was. He still didn’t think he was in love with her. At best, he liked the idea that she liked him. His heart still pined for Charlotte but there was no way that could happen after the confrontation with Jack. Bob was afraid to be near Charlotte or Jack. He had discussed the incident with Samantha and she merely said not to worry about it. She would keep him busy and out of Jack’s way. This didn’t give much comfort to Bob since the look in Jack’s eyes clearly showed he would hurt Bob if he ever saw him again. Bob wanted to keep his distance.

Bob tried to tell his father how he felt about Samantha but he didn’t want to bring up the fact that he still loved Charlotte. Consequently, Bob never mentioned the subject. Therefore, Matthew spent his visit believing Samantha was someone very special to Bob. Despite all of this, the three of them had a wonderful time together. Matthew felt an instant liking for Samantha. As a man who learned a lot in the school of hard knocks, he recognized a fellow alumnus in Samantha. He could tell she had a rough time in her life and, though she was secure in herself, there was more growing up to do. When his kids went off on their own, he was proud when he could determine that they would “make it” in life. Though he just met her, as long as she was willing to work hard, he believed Samantha would “make it.” Besides all of that, she was a beautiful woman and had an excellent figure. She obviously took care of herself and acted like she would take care of his son.

The Parting: Christmas Eve

Late Monday night, Pastor Bill checked his emails. His workday was pretty busy and he didn’t have the opportunity to do that part of his job. He could normally count on receiving some sort of feedback after giving some sermons. He was certain yesterday’s was one of them.

Specifically, he felt his reference to scientists believing the world was billions of years old rather than a few thousand years, like the majority of Christians and Jews believe, would be a problem. It seemed inevitable that someone wouldn’t hear him correctly and they would think he believed the world wasn’t created in six 24 hour periods. The seventh day God rested. Pastor Bill was pleased that no one had misheard that point and, on the whole, all the feedback he received was positive. The negative comment was from someone who thought his tie was too loud.

Charlotte was overjoyed when she spoke to Samantha. The sermon was very moving and it fortified her lagging faith. Learning that Samantha gave her heart to the Lord gave her such joy. Words could not describe it. It gave her hope for her relationship with Jack. After lunch, she called Jack but he didn’t answer his phone so she called the house. She learned from Nancy that something had happened at MIA’s house but that was all she knew at the time. Nancy said it was obvious Jack was upset but wouldn’t say anything else. Nancy told her son she would pray and Jack said she needed to. Charlotte began to pray. She didn’t know what could have happened but she hoped it wouldn’t ruin Christmas.

Nancy went to John’s room to tell him what she knew and to ask him to pray. She was surprised to hear him react negatively. John commented that ever since Jack had been home, the whole house has been on pins and needles and he always seemed angry or had an attitude or had some sort of drama going on. He was getting tired of it. Nancy was shocked since she didn’t expect such a reaction. She didn’t see it coming. The two of them discussed the matter and afterward, Nancy better understood John’s position. It did not change the fact that Jack was his brother and the two of them had fought like cats and dogs before. Having differences now wasn’t all that odd. John was glad to have shared with his mother and the two of them prayed for Jack and his friends.

JoJo had calmed himself by the time the police arrived at MIA’s house. The officer’s took statements from both of the obviously upset young men. Based on the evidence at the scene, it was a suicide case. A suicide on December 24th. Both officers and Jack and JoJo couldn’t seem to shake the thought that it was somehow an omen that MIA killed himself on that day. Jack’s thoughts went back to the nightmare he had weeks before. He kept picturing the yellow semi smashing into the car in front of him. His mind reviewed the scene and he relived telling the sister he didn’t have in real life what had happened. He was shaken to the core.

After getting home, he related the events to his mother and brother. He spoke in unemotional tones, just giving the facts. He sat silently for a few moments after he finished before saying, “I want to cry but I can’t. It is like there is a cork in the bottle of my tears. They just won’t come. I don’t know how to let this go.” John and Nancy held Jack. Nancy finally said, “We’ll be here whenever you need us.”

Nancy asked if Jack wanted to participate in the Christmas Eve festivities the family normally did. Jack simply said he wanted to go to sleep. He felt exhausted. Feet by the pillow and head at the foot of the bed, Jack looked up at the ceiling in his room. He couldn’t help but feel the contrast of how he felt with the holiday season. Christmas represented life. All he felt was death. People around him were happy, joyous about Christmas. He felt such a profound sadness. He felt empty. He felt turned inside out.  He felt full of unspeakable horrors.

Teton Oasis 1200 Hydration Backpack: Review follow up

As noted a few days ago, I had a problem with the bladder for my backpack and contacted Teton Sports regarding the matter.  I am happy to say I received a replacement bladder in the mail today.  An associate contacted me via email on Monday and requested me to send a picture of the area that had the leak. The following day I was notified a new one was on the way.  Needless to say, I am pleased with the handling of the matter. 

The Parting: A Thrill of Hope

Bob already was in the Christmas spirit and Pastor Bill’s message only reinforced the feeling. Samantha felt, as Bob’s song said, “a thrill of hope.” Despite the fact that Charlotte had invited Samantha to church several times, she always declined. However, in spending time with Bob, she realized there was something special about his life. Since she had never stepped foot in a church before, the whole experience was new.

Samantha grew up the middle of three girls in family that had an abusive, alcoholic father. Her young life was spent always trying to make sure she had everything perfect for she never knew in what condition her father would be whenever he came home. He was an angry, violent drunk. The slightest thing could set him off. Her mother had tried for years to appease him and protect her girls but eventually the bottle became her escape also. Consequently, three young girls had to fend for themselves.

When she reached her teens, Samantha found that by giving a little of herself to boys, she could get an escape from home life and she felt like people liked her. Though the acceptance she sought was always followed by a twinge of guilt, it was easier than the terror at home. When she moved out and went to college, she continued what she knew. It was just who she was, what she did. But she started to use men the same way she felt used by her parents. Subconsciously, it was a form of revenge for what she endured at the hands of her father. It was also a bit of “I need to hurt them before they hurt me.”

After she met Charlotte, they two spent time one day talking about past holidays. Charlotte had many fond memories despite coming from a relatively poor family. Finally, Samantha shared that things were difficult when she was growing up but Christmas was different. Her father always made it a point not to drink during the month of December. New Years Eve was an exception to that December rule. Still, there was something magical about Christmas and she simply shared with Charlotte that it seemed a piece of heaven came down to earth during the Christmas season. Charlotte told her how right she was and the God sent His Son to the earth so that we could all be with Him in heaven. The words didn’t really mean much to Samantha at the time but they came back as she listened to Pastor Bill’s words.

She heard a story of a world subjected to endless cycles of meaninglessness. Everything in the world had cycles. 60 seconds in a minute. 60 minutes in an hour. 24 hours per day, 7 days per week. Month after month, year after year. If you believe the scientists, this maddening circle of life has been going on for billions of years. Yet it seems God does nothing. He doesn’t care. As a few of our Founding Fathers believed, God made everything then went off to do His own thing and left us to fend for ourselves. But God was not done with us. He let the Hebrews stay in the bonds of slavery so He could make a nation for Himself. When time was right He interjected Himself into their lives and showed His awesome power through many miracles.

His people could not stay faithful to Him. It was impossible for them to keep the laws He gave and they went back to their old ways. But He remained faithful to them. Therefore, He demonstrated His better idea. Since they were powerless to be perfect like Him, He became like them. God intersected humanity but He was completely human and still completely God. We knew there was something different about Him. It was like a 3D being coming to live in a 2D world.

No longer did we have to be stuck in the monotony of our lives. No longer were we chained to maddening cycles of life. God came. God is with us. Everything is different now. Great joy is now for us because God is with us. Can we truly imagine what that actually means?

Samantha knew it meant something to her. Tears of joy streamed down her face as she listened to Pastor Bill. Bob noticed Samantha’s tears and put took her hand in his. Samantha believed. God has not forsaken His creation. God loved us. Samantha had heard this before but it was finally personal. God loved Samantha. She thought to herself, “Heaven did come to earth at Christmas. Only it wasn’t a piece of heaven. It was God Himself come down to be with us. God loves me. He loves me enough to stoop to my level since I could never reach His. Gratitude flooded Samantha’s heart and continued spilling down her cheeks. She was ready for the cycles to be broken.

The emptiness she felt for so long began melting away as she believed the words she heard. She gave her heart to God. She felt whole. She felt at peace.

A thrill of hope. The weary world rejoices for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn. Fall on your knees. Oh hear the angel voices, oh night divine oh night when Christ was born.

The Parting: A Dark Christmas

Dark clouds rolled into Jack’s life. He knew several people in Afghanistan whose spouses or girlfriends left them. Sometimes, they weren’t nice about it either. They wrote hurtful letters and the soldier was left broken hearted in a place filled with anger and violence. He saw the hurt in their eyes. He saw a bulletin board fill up with pictures of the unfaithful people. Now he couldn’t shake the feeling that Charlotte hooked up with Bob. Regardless of what Charlotte said, he had his doubts.

He still had been unable to find a job and that only added to his depression. So the darkness continued to encroach in on the edges of his mind. He found it easier to dwell on violent thoughts. His mind naturally drifted that way. The real problem was that there was a nagging feeling that his self worth was falling. Maybe he wasn’t worth Charlotte’s love. He did things in combat he didn’t like to remember. Part of him felt guilty for threatening Bob and he hoped his mother wouldn’t hear about it. He was sure she would. Not that Bob would say anything but there were other people in the restaurant who might mention it to her. Nevertheless, he would sit and think to himself that he dared someone to say something to her. He would show them if they did.

He dreaded going to church on the Sunday before Christmas. He knew all the songs that would be sung and he knew Bob would do a special number. He didn’t want to see or hear any of it. The Christmas spirit was far from him. As he and his mother and brother drove up to the church, Jack could feel the level of disgust rise in him. Oh God, how he wanted to stay home by himself.

As he expected, they played the same old songs and Bob did a special rendition of O Holy Night. The only thing that he liked was a rock and roll version of a couple Christmas songs played on iPads. That was different and kind of fun.

Pastor Bob mentioned how he loved this time of year and what a blessing it was the God sent His son to earth as a baby and that he would eventually die for us. Dying for someone else was something that Jack understood but shortly after that, Jack started getting sleepy and nodded off a few times. Between his head falling and his mother poking him, it was hard to get any sleep.

Riding home afterward, both John and Nancy spoke glowingly about the sermon. Nancy felt a growing apprehension for her oldest son. John had his concerns also. How could they reach him? After lunch the following day, Jack planned to visit MIA. Nancy asked Jack to remind MIA to come for a visit some time. Jack said he would.

MIA’s car was in the driveway and though Jack knocked and rang the doorbell, MIA didn’t come to the door. Jack figured MIA and JoJo must have gone out somewhere so he called JoJo to see where they were and he would meet them. JoJo answered the phone on the second ring and there concern in his voice immediately. JoJo mentioned he spoke with MIA earlier and MIA seemed more distraught than usual. Jack walked back to the front door while they spoke and tried the door handle but it was locked. He peeked in the windows but saw nothing. He went around to the back door but it was also locked and he saw nothing in the windows. The garage door had an opener and Jack could not open it. A sinking feeling crept over Jack. Dread gripped him. He knew something bad had happened or would happen soon if he didn’t get inside.

Jack couldn’t decide whether to break in the door or just wait for JoJo to arrive since he had a key to MIA’s place. JoJo arrived after Jack finished trying the garage door and, shortly thereafter, the two of them entered MIA’s house. As soon as they opened the door, they smelled the fading but familiar smell of cordite. Their senses were instantly hyper sensitive. JoJo found the body first. He started shouting at MIA, cursing him for being so stupid. Jack stood behind JoJo crying. Tears were streaming down his face and he didn’t care if JoJo saw him. His friend was dead; a casualty of war just as much as any of his friends that died in Afghanistan.

Jack felt his heart drop in his chest. It could be described no other way. A profound sadness came over him and it felt like his heart moved to another part of his chest. Jack knew, he was now a broken man. He could take nothing more. He was spent. Christmas or not, He was done.

Who is This God?

One of my goals for 2014 was to read through the bible. One of my goals in doing this is to figure out just who is this God that I serve?  I reread about when Jacob and his family went to Egypt for food.  They later learned Joseph was already there, but God used that for the purpose of creating a nation for Himself.  Then after many years of slavery, when the nation grew, God’s nation was ready to learn who He was.  He demonstrated His awesome power through the plagues and then the Egyptians gave gold to the Hebrews when they left.  How about that?

I found it interesting the specific ways God wanted the ark, tabernacle, and other things constructed.  Is there some parallel to how He created the universe?  Not that I can tell but that thought came to my mind for some reason. 

Since I have been working on my own family history, I didn’t just scan over the genealogies that were listed.  I am seeing the importance of knowing your lineage.  I also appreciate details that are noted.  For instance, in Genesis Jacob gave land to Joseph.  It is mentioned again in the book of John as a side note when Jesus meets the Samaritan woman. 

Meanwhile, I have been casually studying the heavens and learning more about the unfathomable scope of the night sky.  I have learned about the tremendous pressures within our sun and other stars and how these immense pressures have the power to create some of the elements found in the periodic table.  I cannot comprehend the forces at work or the sizes and distances of the cosmos.  Yet, as I understand from the bible, God created them all.  Therefore, he must be even more vast and more powerful. 

Like much of science, we may get questions answered when we seek them out.  However, in that process we are presented with more questions.  Can we ever know all there is to know about an infinite God?