The Parting: Nightmares

Nancy was concerned for her son. She had heard of soldiers coming home only to have problems adjusting to life. She’d heard of young men that had nightmares as they relived situations in the field. She didn’t want her boy to endure that. If possible she wanted to take all of that away. She prayed to God asking if she could bear it for him. Unfortunately, Jack had only been home a couple days when he began calling out in his sleep.

Jack’s brother, John, was interested in military matters and mentioned to his mother an interview of a woman who was the spouse of a WWII vet. She was told by one of her husband’s buddies to never touch him when he was asleep if he was dreaming. All she needed to do was softly speak his name into his ear and he would wake up. Sure enough, she would do that and her husband would wake and he was ok. Nancy planned to do the same should the need come.

After about 2 weeks being home, Jack seemed very irritable. Little things seemed to upset him more than they should. He spent a lot of time with JoJo and MIA but rarely spent time with his old friends. This bothered her a little and it hurt some of the old friends. Nancy asked one day why he didn’t spend time with his old buddies. Jack simply said that he had nothing in common with them any more.

That night, Nancy awoke to Jack screaming for her. Instantly, she jumped from bed and ran to his room. With each step, a sleepy fog faded and she came back to reality. From the moment she awoke, Nancy believed Jack was 6 or 7 years old and was calling for her. He used to have nightmares when he was a little boy and there was something in the way he called to her that reminded her of those nights. There was terror in his voice.

When she got to his room, he lay in his bed with his eyes tightly shut. Just before she went to touch him she caught herself and instead whispered into his ear, “Jack, I’m here.”

“Mom?”

“Yes, honey. I’m here.”

“Mommy?”

“Yes, Jack I am right here next to you. What’s wrong? Did you have a bad dream?”

Jack nodded his head.

“Can you tell me about it?”

With his eyes still tightly closed she said, “It was a jumble of images.”

“War related?”

“No, not at all. At first, I was driving down a highway like in New York or LA. You know, with a lot of lanes and traffic. I saw this dead person being tossed about in the wind by the passing cars and trucks but he was tethered by rope or something so they didn’t keep going down the road. Then, I was on the phone with my sister and I don’t even have a sister. Suddenly, there was a big yellow semi coming up the road against the traffic and it smashed into the car in front of me. I started crying as I described what had just happened.”

Nancy noticed Jack had still not opened his eyes. She softly touched his hand and he grabbed hold as if his life depended on it. Jack continued.

“Then I saw this barrel. In it were all the souls in the world. Then I saw something like an acronym. It stood for ‘Roses are red. Violets are blue. Satan is evil and after you.’ Then Satan was standing over the barrel and I could feel the evil and hatred coming off of him. He had utter contempt for the souls in the barrel. They already belonged to him but he wanted to kill them. Then he vomited on them. Then you woke me up.”

She wanted to take her boy into her arms and hold him on her lap. He seemed so fragile. He was her little boy but he was a man now. Still, he would always be her boy no matter how big he was. Jack’s eyes tightly shut so she asked, “Why don’t you open your eyes?”

“I don’t want to see him again.”

“Who?”

“Satan. I can't get his face out of my head. It is a cross between a goat and praying mantis head.”

“Honey, he isn’t here. One thing I learned in church long ago is that when you say the name, Jesus, the devils and demons have to leave.”

Jack started saying “Jesus” over and over but still didn’t open his eyes. Nancy said she would pray. She prayed her boy would be made whole and that the demons that were bothering him would leave him alone. She prayed it would be soon.

The Parting: Homecoming

There is something special about coming home after a long absence. Feelings of love, appreciation, joy, excitement, and nostalgia permeate the soul. There is a measure of healing for a broken heart. The heart soars in rapture. Distance is gone and hearts that were separated are reunited. Joy abounds.

Such were the reunions for Jack and his company. Once the company was dismissed soldiers and loved ones flocked to embrace one another. Tears of joy flowed down cheeks. People held one another, kissed one another. Could reunions in heaven be any more special?

Nancy planned a small party for Jack at her house the night he got home. Of course, Charlotte was invited as well as some of his friends. Shortly before all the guests were to arrive, Jack got a call from JoJo. Jack was asked if he could go with him to the house of a fellow soldier. JoJo said, “Something’s up with M-I-A, man. He called me to say there was a problem and asked if I could come over. He wouldn’t say what it was. Can you come with me?” “Of course I can.” Was the reply.

Jack went to tell his mother the news that he had to leave for a while to be with a friend. Needless to say, Nancy was concerned about a party without the guest of honor. She started to protest but Jack simply but firmly said, “Mom, this is important. These guys have been my family for the last year. One of them is in need. I have to be there for them. JoJo said he would pick me up.” Nancy reluctantly agreed but realized Jack would go anyway. My, he had grown.

MIA was short for Miquel Ignacio Andaluz. When they company first came together and everyone was introducing themselves, Miguel said his name was Miquel Ignacio Andaluz. He said it with such pride and vigor. He commented that he was named for his father and his father’s father. He was proud of the men they were and wanted to continue the family name. Then a voice was heard saying, “I hope you don’t go MIA (Missing In Action) on us. Instantly, his hot, Latin blood boiled and he demanded to know who said it. Somehow the nickname stuck but only with the ones with whom he was closest. MIA was a rock steady soldier and everyone knew what a reliable man he was.

MIA was married but they had no kids yet. JoJo and Jack talked on the ride over, speculating as to what happened. In the remaining moments of sunlight, they arrived at MIA’s house. They could see it had not been properly cared for for some time. They could see weeds in the back yard that had grown higher than the fence. They were bewildered by the sight of it. Why hadn’t his wife taken care of the place? If she couldn’t do it herself, surely she could have hired someone to do some minimal work around the house.

Jack and JoJo got out of the car, walked to the door, and rang the doorbell. MIA came to the door and opened it. It was obvious he had been crying. He wordlessly opened the door further and gestured for his friends to come in. Then MIA blurted out the news that his wife had left him. JoJo and Jack sat there stunned. JoJo started to say “How do you know?” but realized it was obvious she had checked out a long time ago. MIA went on to explain that the house had obviously sat empty for some time. Additionally, the bank account was recently emptied. All he had were the clothes on his back, and a house that was months behind in payments and almost in foreclosure. She had cleaned him out.

Jack got up and sat next to MIA on the couch. He put his arm around his buddy, his friend, and said, “Man, I am so sorry but I am here for you. JoJo too, right JoJo?” JoJo nodded in agreement. “Thanks guys. I don’t’ know what I am going to do. You are the only family I have here.” Jack’s heart broke for MIA. MIA’s closest family lived hours away by plane. “This is not bigger than you and even if it is, it isn’t bigger than us. You got that? We stick together. Just like when we were in the field. We are a team.

“Thanks guys. I knew I could count on you.”

After talking for a bit more and taking stock of the situation at the house, Jack called his mom to say he was coming home with 2 of his buddies. Nancy was a little nervous about having enough food for 2 more but completely agreed with him bringing his friends. She was a little embarrassed she hadn’t asked if he wanted to invite anyone. She just knew there were people in town that wanted to see him and they were the ones that were invited.

Nancy could tell Jack’s friend, Miguel, was hurting but didn’t ask. She just hugged him and said he was welcome in her home any time. Jack’s friends would be her friends. Fighting back tears, MIA said thank you.

The Parting: Are We There Yet?

Before they began their descent into Ganci Air Base in northern Kyrgyzstan, the captain turned to look at the charter coordinator who sat nervously in the jump seat behind him and said, “There will be tanks on the ground during our approach. I need you to make sure none of the barrels are pointed at us.”

“I didn’t need to hear that.” was the reply.

The captain turned back to his business of getting ready to land but stole a quick glance to the 1st officer and they shared a grin. Sure enough, there were a lot of tanks on the ground as the Boeing 777 landed. The military had contracted to use this plane to move Jack’s unit back to the US. The charter coordinator, cockpit crew, and flight attendants all were looking forward to this day. It was always special to them to bring the troops home. Every military charter she worked, the lead flight attendant made it a point to hug and thank every soldier that boarded the plane. However, for now, they had to wait for the military transports that would bring Jack and his comrades from Afghanistan to Kyrgyzstan and used the time to ensure everything was ready.

Jack and JoJo sat next to each other staring mindlessly across the fuselage of the military transport. Despite the excitement they felt for going home, they were weary. Many man hours were used in packing equipment and moving boxes and crates in preparation of the big move. Of course, when they weren’t packing, lifting and moving, they were bored.  That is unless an NCO came by and saw them doing nothing.  Then it seemed they would get busy again.

Jack and JoJo talked many times with each other about their home towns, family, girlfriends, and what they wanted to do when they grew up. More than anything, both wanted to marry their sweethearts when they got home. They dreamed of the way they would propose and how many kids they wanted. Yes, they would live life to the fullest.

The transition from the military transport to the commercial plane was quick and easy. The airline flight crew made every effort to ensure they soldiers felt at home and well cared for. There were smiles all around and all the coffee, soft drinks, and water they wanted. Of course, the officers sat in first class while the enlisted were in coach. That gave the troops something else to gripe about. Soldiers weren’t happy unless they were complaining about something.

After a fuel stop in Ramstein Air Base in Germany, it was a nonstop flight to home. Home, what a sweet sounding word! The troops passed the hours using the in-flight entertainment, playing cards, sleeping, talking quietly, or just staring out the window lost in their own thoughts. A few chatted with the pretty flight attendants. While women were part of the airline, the flight attendants represented normal life and some soldiers wanted to be a part of normal again.

Excitement kept Jack up for a few hours. JoJo had fallen asleep some time ago but Jack felt like he was a little kid again and Santa would arrive shortly. It was such a magical time and he couldn’t believe it was finally here. “Just like when I was little.” He whispered to himself. Then he remembered family vacations in the car. It was hours and hours of boredom. He would ask repeatedly if they “were there yet.” After a few of those repeated questions, he father would always tell him to go to sleep and they would get there sooner. Jack never understood then how it worked but his dad was always right. He then decided to try to sleep in hopes they would get home sooner.

The Parting: Separate Ways

Lunch went better than expected for everyone involved. Bob was able to spend time with Charlotte and it was very comfortable. Charlotte felt more at ease with Samantha being there. Samantha got to meet a man she thought was handsome and charming.

Samantha was a vivacious woman who always tried to enjoy life and make the most of every situation. She enjoyed being single but was reaching an age where she was starting to consider being more serious about relationships. Maybe Bob was that man.

Charlotte felt such a huge relief when she realized she wouldn’t have to be alone with Bob. She never felt she would do anything bad but there was something about the way he asked her to lunch that hinted there was something more to it. Was he going to say he loved her? It was a possibility she had tried to ignore for several months. If he were to say that, it was open such a Pandora’s box. Then again, she knew she would tell him she loved Jack and that would be that. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings but facts were facts. She wasn’t going to stop loving Jack because he professed his love for her.

Bob decided that he had to tell Charlotte how he felt even though he was sure the feelings weren’t mutual. He was certain she liked him but she still loved Jack. Then again, maybe he wouldn’t say anything. What would he gain other than making his feelings known? Like he thought from the beginning, there really isn’t a way that this comes out good for him.

As they walked out of the restaurant, Samantha leaned into Charlotte and said, “Who is this guy you’ve been hiding? He’s cute.”

“He is a friend from church, that’s all.”

“Then why were you having lunch with him? Does Jack know about him? Jack’s mom know him?”

“Jack and his mom know him from church. I’m surprised you don’t know him. He and his family have been part of the town forever.”

“So what’s his story? Is he dating anyone besides you?”

Getting tired of the dating remarks, Charlotte gave her a dirty look but replied in a normal voice, “No, I don’t think so. I wouldn’t say we are close enough for me to know his private life. We’ve only recently starting talking and NO, we are not dating.”

“Well if you don’t want him, can I have him?”

“You don’t need my permission. Just don’t hurt him, okay?”

Feigning deep hurt, Samantha replied, “What?”

Charlotte stopped walking and turned to her friend.  “Don’t give me that. I love you, but I also I know you and I know you’ve hurt a lot of guys. He has a good heart and he doesn’t deserve that.”

“Fine, I’ll be gentle.”

Charlotte gave her a stern look. “I’m serious.”

“Yes, I will be on my best behavior. Maybe this is one I will bring home to mom and dad.”

With that, the ladies went their separate ways.

Bob paid for the meals and started back to work. Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte, when will you get out of my head? Then he silently prayed.

God, I met Charlotte for a reason. We’ve gotten closer for a reason. I’d like to think it is because you want the two of us to be together. Please make it clear what your will is. Amen

The Parting: Seize the Day

Ordinarily, Bob was timid around women. He was a little shy around people he didn’t know but women in particular. There was something different about Charlotte. He seemed to break through a barrier. He felt more confident. He still didn’t make it a point to be with her but when those times came, he made the most of them.

Charlotte was a genuine person. She was also a no-nonsense person. To Bob, they were her most important qualities. You knew where you stood with Charlotte. The fact that she was pretty was icing on the cake. What man wouldn’t be attracted to her? There was something changing within Bob. He was becoming a more confident person. Therefore, he was fighting the urge to make his feelings known to Charlotte.

Since that day when Charlotte shared her fears about Jack, he felt something had changed between them. When he saw the relief in her eyes about Jack being ok, he didn’t feel threatened. Charlotte felt comfortable enough to touch his hand and give him a hug. That, at least, was friendship, wasn’t it? Will a woman touch someone she doesn’t like? Bob was certain she would not. At least, not if she could help it.

So Bob had come to a cross roads. He either had to tell Charlotte how he felt or he needed to put distance between them. Carpe diem! So he got her phone number from the church directory and called. He asked if they could get together for lunch. He figured lunch would be a nonthreatening meal and, in his mind anyway, dinner implied it was a date. Charlotte seemed a little bewildered or hesitant by the whole thing but agreed to meet.

Bob arrived at the restaurant first. On the way there, he wasn’t sure if he wanted something in the corner so they was be somewhat hidden or out in the open to show there was nothing to hide. He figured he would leave it in God’s hands. He got a booth in the back corner. Things are looking up, he thought with a smile.

He sat glancing at the door, waiting for Charlotte to arrive. He could feel his heart beating hard in his chest. His cheeks were warm but he was determined not to give away his feelings too fast. He didn’t want Charlotte to be freaked out by him acting weird. Therefore, he decided not to say anything about his feelings. Yes, he was chickening out. It would just be 2 people who were friends having lunch together.

Charlotte was quite surprised by the call from Bob. She wasn’t completely opposed to having lunch with him, but she felt guilty. She felt like she was cheating on Jack. Still, Bob suggested the main restaurant in town. Lunch was a busy time of day and many people would see them. If Bob had an ulterior motive that was not a good place to play it out.

She thought back over the months they had gotten to know each other better. Part of her still had her guard up. Part of her wanted companionship. How does a person reconcile their feelings when they are lonely? It is hard to stand by your convictions when your heart is screaming for love. She knew she had Jack’s love and he had hers but she hadn’t been in his arms in months. She hadn’t felt the warmth of his body when they embraced. She hadn’t been kissed in months. Oh, how she longed to feel Jack’s lips on hers. He was such a good kisser.

As she walked to the restaurant her anxiety level rose. She wanted to be true to Jack. He deserved that. He was fighting for his country. He was laying his life on the line. The least she could do is be true. Why did she agree to this?

Then she heard a whistle behind her. She expected to hear a man say something like, “Hey baby, where have you been all my life?” Instead, a female voice said, “What’s cooking good looking?” She turned around to see her friend Samantha hurriedly walking toward her. After exchanging greetings and pleasantries, Samantha invited herself to lunch with Charlotte who quietly sent her thanks to heaven.

Bob’s heart sank as he saw Charlotte and Samantha enter the restaurant. Then again, he thought, there is less pressure on me. Also, people are less likely to think anything about him having lunch with two ladies. Next time, he thought.

Answered Prayer Delayed

John 11

A friend of Jesus was very sick and his sisters contacted Jesus to come and heal him.  Instead of leaving right away, Jesus delayed 2 days.  Now, this was not some stranger but a close friend of Jesus.  The message the sisters sent was, “Lord, the one you love is sick.” Did Jesus not care?

Does this sound like your life?  You desperately pray to God for something only to hear nothing?  You know that only God can do this thing for you.  Instead of an answer you hear silence.  What is God doing?

While I won’t pretend to know all of God’s ways, John 11 states the reason Jesus delayed was so His disciples may believe in Him.  In God’s economy, faith is more important than physical life and death.  All circumstances in life are designed to draw out our faith. 

Hebrews 11:6 says “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” 

I recently had a situation where I despaired rather than give the problem to God and trust Him.  The problem ended up being much less than I imagined it could have been and God already supplied the need.  Yes, Lord, I was stupid again.  Thank you for loving me anyway. 

Let me encourage you, and me, to continue to trust in the Lord of the universe.  The One who knows your frailties, your shortcomings and He still wants a relationship with you.  Exercise your faith in God and trust that He knows what He is doing.  Even when you don’t get the answer you want, trust that you will get something better. 

The Parting: A Big Relief

Charlotte sat in the booth in deep thought. Her heart ached. While it felt good to comfort Nancy, now she was ill at ease. Was Jack dead? She didn’t feel the same terror Nancy displayed nor did she wake in the middle of the night. Nevertheless, the emotions in Nancy’s eye unnerved her.

If Jack was dead, what would she do? The two of them discussed marriage and she fully planned on getting married to Jack. Fear began to creep into her heart. A tightness gripped her throat and she felt tears beginning to well up in here eyes when a figure slid into the seat across from her.

“Hey there, how is your day going?”

Bob initially was smiling but the moment he saw Charlotte’s face, concern and compassion washed over him. He asked, “Charlotte, what’s wrong?”

At first, Charlotte didn’t want to talk about it but not because she didn’t want to share everything on her heart. She wasn’t sure Nancy would want her to mention it. Still, she felt the need to talk and requested Bob not to mention a word of it to a soul. Bob agreed.

Bob patiently listened as Charlotte related what she learned from Nancy and how she and John all agreed to pray and have faith until they hear otherwise. It was maddening that Jack hadn’t returned any emails and made everyone all the more concerned. Bob said little. He just absorbed it all and then said, “Do you need a hug?” Without thinking Charlotte said yes.

Bob got up from his seat and went around to Charlotte’s side of the booth and put his arms around her in a sideways hug. Bob’s arms seemed to convey true compassion and empathy. He said, “I know I can’t fully understand how you feel but I do care. Any time you need a sounding board, let me know. Whenever you need a hug, just tell me. You will get through this.”

Charlotte said thank you and began to cry softly. Bob hugged her again. Then there was a vibrating sound coming from Charlotte’s purse. She reached into her purse and pulled out her cell phone. Charlotte’s whole disposition began to brighten and a smile returned to her face. She excitedly patted Bob’s hand and when the call was over she related the contents of the call.

Nancy had spoken with Jack. He was ok. He hadn’t been able to reply to any emails since he was not on the base for a few days. He couldn’t mention any details but a friend had been hurt but not badly. The main thing is that he was alive and counting down the days until he returns. Charlotte leaned over, hugged Bob, let out a big sigh and said, “Thank you.”

“I’m happy for you and I’m glad Jack is ok.” was the reply.

The Parting: Shared Sorrow is Half Sorrow

Nancy determined before she left the house that she would not show anyone how she felt. She would not cry or be upset. She would not display emotion. Consequently, everyone could tell there was something wrong. While she never was a touchy-feely type person, she was very personable and genuinely cared about others. Therefore, everyone who knew her was aware of the tightness in her demeanor.

The teller at the bank noted it but didn’t say anything since it was a busy time of day. The waitress at the restaurant noticed Nancy didn’t jump right into their normal give and take. She always said, “What can I get you today?” Nancy would reply, “Anything that looks wonderful, tastes better, and doesn’t have a calorie to be found.” Instead, Nancy mumbled that she wanted a club sandwich. However, due to the lunch rush, all the waitress could say was, “You missed your cue.”

Nancy made it through the day with no one questioning her about the way she felt. Meanwhile, she was dying inside. Her Jack was dead and there was no one to share it with. She felt like a Coke bottle that had been shook but there was no way she could release any of the pressure. The lid was tightly clamped on.

At home that night, Jack’s brother John was in a foul mood. He wasn’t happy with supper and complained about teachers at school. He didn’t want to do dishes or take out the trash. Would he EVER learn to hang up his jacket when he came home? She started the night being very patient with him but her fuse was very short and, soon enough, she let him have it. In a loud voice, she told him what an ungrateful wretch he was. If he felt he could do better on his own, please feel free to move out but remember to leave the cell phone since he doesn’t pay for it anyway. But she knew he wouldn’t move out because he lacked the ambition to go out and get a job. He’d prefer to freeload his way through life.

Needless to say, John was a little startled by the severity of the verbal attack. Mostly, he was hurt. After the explosion, Nancy went to her room and sobbed uncontrollably. John went to his mother and, knowing something was bothering her, quietly asked what was wrong. Between deep breaths, she haltingly replied it was nothing she could share yet but she would tell him as soon as she could.

How could she tell John his brother was dead? The two boys had been close. Sure, they fought like cats and dogs but heaven help the kid that ever said anything bad about Jack’s little brother. Jack used to say about John, “No one can pick on him as long as I’m alive. That’s my job.” The thought of that statement made her smile a little but it also broke her heart since Jack was dead.

The phone rang, interrupting her thoughts. Nancy looked at the caller ID and saw it was Charlotte. Oh, she did not want to answer but the two of them had not spoken for a couple days. Charlotte was bound to think something was wrong. Then again, something was wrong. Hesitantly, she picked up the phone. Charlotte noticed right away that Nancy had been crying. She simply said before any conversation could begin, “I’m coming over.”

The two ladies sat quietly alone for a few minutes. Charlotte was dying inside wondering what it was. It was about Jack. She was sure of it. John was in his room listening through the walls as best he could. Finally, Nancy let it all out. She related everything about how she woke up, her thoughts of calling Charlotte in the middle of the night, the bible verse, even the fortitude she tried to have that day. The two hugged and cried.

Charlotte told her that any time there is news about Jack, good, bad, or otherwise, she wanted to know about it. Nancy called John into the room and related everything to him. Together, the three of them were determined they would get through this. They hadn’t heard from the military about Jack so it really was all speculation. Still, Nancy was certain in her heart something was wrong. They all decided to trust God in the matter and continue praying. John had the final word of the night when he said that he recently learned something at his youth group that he felt was applicable. Shared sorrow is half sorrow. Shared joy is double joy.

The Parting: A Connection

Like she was struck by lightening, Nancy awoke with a jolt. Anxiety washed over her and then a mournful, gut-wrenching sadness settled into her soul. Jack was dead. She was sure of it. What else could it be? Her boy was dead. Tears welled up in her eyes.

She looked at the clock. It was 1:17 AM. She quickly calculated the time in Kabul. Since Kabul was 9.5 hours ahead of her, it was 10:47 AM. Therefore, she was reasonably sure Jack was awake or doing his job. Then again, if he really was dead, that could happen any time of day.

She started praying. She didn’t know what to pray for so she started pleading for Jack’s safety and his life. She wanted to bargain with God to take her instead but realized if Jack was dead, it didn’t seem likely God would take her up on the deal. She decided to read the bible. She was about to begin reading Colossians that day. She thought for a moment then looked at chapter 1 verse 17. It said “And He is before all things, and by Him all things consist.” This didn’t give Nancy any peace. While it is good to know God is sovereign, timeless, and all powerful, when you want something other than what God may want, it doesn’t make you feel any better. She put the bible away.

She wanted to call Charlotte but didn’t want to alarm her. What if she had a similar awakening? She may be lying in her bed or on her knees praying for Jack or she may be sound asleep. She was torn about what to do. Despair seemed to fill her. It was overpowering. Nancy spent the day pensive and nostalgic about Jack. She was on the verge of tears. She finally decided she would not speak to Charlotte about any of it. She would bear it all alone.

Hearing friendly shots fired from where JoJo and Jack fell was a relief to Corporal Taylor. He was responsible for them and the thought of losing a man, let alone two, was more than he wanted to bear. He knew at least one of them was alive but that there were three Taliban at the ledge was not good. He saw two more running to join them.

He began firing at the two running since they were clearer targets. A man to his right also opened up. Both running men fell before they reached their comrades. That left at least three of the enemy with the ability to shoot his men like fish in a barrel. He hoped his men had some cover.

He began barking orders to the men around him to get closer so they could coordinate an attack on the Taliban above his men. In moments 7 of Jack and JoJo’s comrades rushed toward the Taliban. The Taliban fighters understood what it meant to stay where they were and they rushed back to their original positions. However, in doing so, they returned to an area now in control of the US Army and they were quickly cut down.

A defensive perimeter was established around the ledge where Jack and JoJo fell. Corporal Taylor called out to them and was the first to peer over the edge. He was happy to see his men alive but JoJo was wounded. Both men were overjoyed to see friendly faces looking down at them.

Back in the barracks a few hours later, Jack was shaking. While he was happy to be safe, the whole incident unnerved him. He felt so helpless. The falling, even though it was a short fall, and the slide further down the embankment was beyond anything he could help. Try as he might, he couldn’t shake the feeling that the world would never be the same again.

He kept picturing in his mind people who survived a severe earthquake. The ground was always solid but during the tremors, the ground moved as if it were boiling. Afterward, their view of life, the world, was never the same. A paradigm shifted. Everything he once believed wasn’t true. Jack knew he would never view life the same again. If JoJo had died, he felt he would go off the deep end. Funny, now Jack viewed that statement differently.

43 days. Jack and his company had 43 more days until they would rotate home. Home. That word had always soothed him like a warm blanket or the sound of quiet waters from a river. Would the awkwardness he now felt extend to home?

The Parting: Time is Short

Continuing the story....  I've wrestled with this chapter for a while and it isn't all it can and should be.  Still, I need to get it out there. 




Jack spent the night staring into blackness. His mind was racing and he tried to get images out of his head. He lay on his cot knowing he had only a few more hours before he would get the remaining items together into his pack and have his gear squared away before they moved out.

The company would sweep through an area known for Taliban activity. Their mission was to find, engage, and eliminate Taliban forces. Also, if possible, they would capture prisoners for any intelligence they may have.

Jack and his platoon were in position but had to wait for the remaining portions of the company to get into place before the operation could begin. Consequently, this left them exposed. While the individuals had adequate cover, they were certain that any worthwhile sentry would spot them and probably did. Jack and JoJo whispered to each other as they looked for movement in front of them.

“What you think is going on?”

“You heard the Captain. 2nd Platoon is slow getting into position. Jesus, I feel like a pimple on the nose of a bride on her wedding day sitting here like this. If we sit here much longer the whole damn Taliban will pop us one by one.”

“I know. This is total bullshit but what are we gonna do? Complain?”

JoJo smiled and both of them said in unison, “It is what it is.” Jack grinned.

The worst part of their position was that they were facing uphill and an area on the left was a perfect spot for someone to be hidden with an excellent field of fire. Also, there was little room for movement since there was an area to the right where there was a steep drop off. It wasn’t a deadly cliff but if you went over the side, you were going to slide for a while.

Finally, the orders were given to move out. “See you on the other side.” Jack said.

Each man stepped forward cautiously. Eyes were looking forward and up but also down for any signs of a land mine or other booby trap. Nervous looks were given to the area they were certain the enemy was. Each breath was forceful and the weight of the pack and equipment pressed down on Jack. He and JoJo moved in synchronization with other members of the platoon. Then the bullets started flying.

It wasn’t like in Hollywood movies. At first, no bullets were hitting the dirt around Jack. He barely heard the shots being fired by the enemy. He heard friendly fire first. Each gun has its own unique sound and it becomes easy to identify friendly weapons from unfriendly ones. Nonetheless, Jack and JoJo hit the dirt and began looking to see if they could identify from where the enemy was shooting. They saw the muzzle flashes and quickly realized if they could move just beyond an area close to the ledge, they would have a good firing position. They coordinated with the others that were within ear shot what they intended and started out.

They ran as fast as they could and for the first time that day, noticed they were in someone’s sights. Jack could hear the bullets zipping by him. His heart pounded. As they neared the defilade, JoJo saw two Taliban fighters rise from their position. One had a Rocket Propelled Grenade (RPG) and he was lifting it to his shoulder. JoJo screamed as he dove for cover, “RPG!”

A couple steps behind, Jack heard the warning and his first instinct was to find where the enemy was. As he started to get down for cover, he noticed the man with the RPG and the one behind and to the left. At that instant, the RPG fired. Woosh! It shot out of the tube and toward JoJo and Jack. Both Jack and JoJo could see the RPG would miss them but dove to the same position near the end of the cliff. The moment both of them arrived there, the ground gave way and they fell, sliding down the embankment.

JoJo was able stop himself quickly but Jack continued sliding for several more feet. Neither was hurt save a few scrapes. A bruise or two may appear later. JoJo called down to Jack and Jack replied he was ok. He was relieved JoJo was ok also but how do they get back up? Both of them began looking for a way to climb up. The terrain made it impossible to climb back up the way they came without a rope being lowered to them. They were both safe at the moment but didn’t dare call out for help for fear the enemy would hear them. They would be sitting ducks.

The firefight above seemed to dwindle down when the head of a Taliban fighter popped into view. “Shit!” JoJo screamed and readied his weapon. Jack looked up as JoJo began firing. Jack rolled onto his back and out of sight as he tried to get out of his pack, chest heaving with each breath. “How can things change so quickly?” he wondered to himself. Did any of his friends know he and JoJo were down there? Would they get out alive?

Burying Your Child

If the whole of life is a stream

Then burying your child follows the spring melt

You are a stone tossed into the middle

As the waves blow passed

Uncaring, unknowing

Without opportunity to catch your breath

You are pushed on but never moved

There is no end in sight

Just a steady stream of life flowing around you

Unaware, unknowing

At the bottom of the stream

Cold and gasping for breath

Your tears are mingled with life

that passes you by

Unfeeling, unwitting


Copyright Duane Windell Phillips May 2015

The Parting: Stronger Relationships

Bob was happy. He was praying more and being selfless in those prayers. The interesting thing was that, without even trying, he was seeing Charlotte more. He wasn’t trying to manipulate things but by coincidence, he and Charlotte would end up sitting close to each other at church or during a church function. Also, they ended up at the same restaurant on a couple occasions. Conversations between them were easy and not forced. Bob felt Charlotte genuinely enjoyed his company. She at least didn’t appear to be repulsed by him and he felt that was good.

He pondered what he should do next. He had been praying that they two of them would get closer. God answered that prayer but what did it mean? He wanted to believe that God wanted the two of them to be together. That certainly appeared to be the way things were going. Nonetheless, he decided to take things slow until he was absolutely positive that when he asked for a date or mentioned something about a relationship, she would say yes.

Charlotte wondered if Bob was doing things so the two of them would be together more often. She had seen him more in the last few weeks than the previous months combined. Part of her wanted to maintain the wall she originally put up but it was hard to maintain when it seemed he wasn’t trying to knock it down. He was just being charming, respectful, and interesting. He continued to ask about Jack. He also was interested in her life: how her day went, her interests and dislikes.

Regardless of how she felt about Bob at the moment, she determined in her mind that she loved Jack and was committed to him. She was certain Jack was true and she would be also. Tough times make stronger relationships.

The Parting: What Do You Want?

Pastor Bill’s sermon resonated with the congregation. Nancy and Charlotte were determined to fervently pray for Jack’s safety. It is not like they weren’t sincere before but now they had renewed zeal. They even wrote to Jack about the sermon and it was a soothing balm for his tender soul. His prayer life, which had been a smoldering ember, became rekindled.

He prayed for his safety and that of his comrades. He prayed for his mother, brother and Charlotte. He knew his days in Afghanistan were finally getting short. He wanted his heart to be right when he went home.
...
One night as Charlotte looked up at the star where she and Jack promised to meet, she prayed to God for his safety and the strength of their relationship. She mentioned that though she was committed to Jack, something about Bob continued to creep into her consciousness. She wasn’t sure what to make of it.

Bob began to pray in earnest for Charlotte to notice him. He wanted to meet with Charlotte and tell her how he felt but how could he do such a thing and ever come out of it unscathed? If she loved him back, he would be viewed as the guy who stole a girl from a soldier, someone he knew. While they were only acquainted with each other and never were friends, it wouldn’t be right. Still, there was a part of him that dreamed about holding Charlotte in his arms. In his mind, that made it all worthwhile. The thing he feared was if he told Charlotte how he felt, she more than likely would reject him. He knew that would crush him.

Oh God, is there a way I can love Charlotte and she will love me?

Nancy used the pastor’s sermon to renew her commitment to helping others. Therefore, she prayed for many people and their circumstances. Sometimes, she felt a little overwhelmed but she tried to picture a God who is much bigger than all the issues of the world and that He wanted her to pray about these things because they concerned Him as well.

One evening she thought back to the day Bob had been at church rehearsing and how Charlotte looked at him when he left. She felt herself becoming protective of Jack and Charlotte. Even though Bob is well liked in the whole community and loved in the church, she felt an anger. She didn’t want anything interfering with the relationship between her son and the young lady she had come to respect and love. Nonetheless, she felt the need to pray for Bob and for God’s will to be done in his life even if it interfered with what she believed was best for Jack and Charlotte. It didn’t come easy but when she finally surrendered, she felt at peace.

The Parting: Prayer

Continuing.....  If you have read my blog for a while, you will notice notice similarities with Pastor Bill's sermon and a previous entry...

Pastor Bill was in rare form that Sunday. The Spirit was moving throughout the congregation and spoke through him.

"Brothers and sister, I have wrestled about the topic this week. So I am going to share a few things that have been rolling around in my head.

First, while I have long believed prayer was a way for us to communicate with God, I am beginning to think it is more than a means of talking. To think of it like we are just picking up a telephone to talk to God grossly underestimates prayer. Prayer is very important.

Many years ago, I went on a mission trip to Central America. I was amazed at the miracles I witnessed there. I believed that God was working mightily there and He was and still is. But what I missed at the time was the number of people praying for us during this trip. All the people that sponsored me for the trip and those who couldn’t afford to sponsor me prayed for me and my companions. There were other people praying for my companions. We were all praying for each other and the missionaries. We were praying for the people we would meet. We prayed that God would bring the people who needed to hear the message. There was a lot of praying going on and God moved. Even still, it never struck me until recently that many people had to pray for God to work the way He did. It wasn’t some miracle the missionaries did. It wasn’t because God just works miracles there. God can and will work miracles everywhere but people have to pray for them.

Second, God is so overwhelmingly grand that, really, any thought we have of Him falls terribly short. Nevertheless, I truly believe that the Lord wants us to strive for Him. Therefore, He has no issues with our puny thinking unless we never venture to learn more about Him. Parents are excited with each new life stage of their baby. So God is pleased with each step we take in understanding and obeying Him.

Next, let me share a parable Jesus told in Luke 11:5
5 Then Jesus said to them, “Suppose you have a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; 6 a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have no food to offer him.’ 7 And suppose the one inside answers, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children and I are in bed. I can’t get up and give you anything.’ 8 I tell you, even though he will not get up and give you the bread because of friendship, yet because of your shameless audacity he will surely get up and give you as much as you need.

Now can you imagine what the disciples were thinking? They heard Jesus tell many parables and they understood that the different people in the stories normally represented people on earth or God. I’m sure they realized that the person knocking on the door was them. But then that makes God…. This isn’t such a good picture of God is it? Does Jesus really want us to view His Father as a grumpy man who tells us to go away when we need something? This man had a genuine need. In that culture it was imperative to feed and take care of visitors.

So what is Jesus saying? I believe He is telling us that God wants to know if we are serious. Do we take seriously the things we pray about? Are you willing to knock and knock and knock and knock and knock and KNOCK on God’s door? Are the things you are praying for important enough to you that God knows it? God honors those who are persistent and won't give up until God blesses them. Jacob wrestled with an angel and wouldn't let go until he was blessed.

We are to ask until it is given. We are to seek until we find. We are to knock until He answers. God wants us to fight and struggle. All of nature is survival of the fittest. He wants us to wrestle with angels. He wants the problems of life to be nothing compared to our fervor for Him. Discouragement should not shake our faith, nor silence our prayers. It is not in our own strength that we wrestle, nor by our own strength that we prevail. It is by strength derived from heaven.

Let me finish by saying this: Since God is all powerful, all knowing and everything else that He is, I'm starting to believe that our persistence honors Him. When I think about the days when kings, pharaohs, and Caesars ruled the earth, people prostrated themselves before the king. They had to make grand gestures to the king to be noticed and to pacify his wrath. You could say God is narcissistic to want to be worshipped but since He really IS all that and a bag of chips, He does deserve all that we can give and more.

Jesus gave us a clue to our relationship with God. Prayer. Prayer is one way that we honor and glorify God. When we persist in our praying, we show God that this is not a one sided relationship. We take it seriously and consider it and Him the most important things in our lives.

Let us pray…."

The Parting: An Answer to Prayer

Bob wondered to himself if that is how guys do it? When he burst into the church pantry singing, he hadn’t expected to see Charlotte there. At first, he almost stopped singing but felt it would be awkward. Besides, it had been a great day and his spirits were high. Also, he believes the show must go on. Therefore, he continued singing. He even put more into it once he saw the ladies seemed to enjoy it.

He had often heard that attitude attracted women but he always felt that was just something dreamed up in Hollywood to sell movies. Maybe there is something to that line of thought. Not that he believed for a second he could walk to Charlotte’s house, knock on the door, and sweep Charlotte off her feet. Still, confidence was always something he lacked around women he had special feelings for. He felt more confident when he was singing. He realized part of it was an act since, as a performer, there are certain things you do to enhance your act. Is that all he has to do? Act a little to be more secure around Charlotte? Act confident and be confident?

Charlotte was surprised to see Bob come crashing through the door the way he did. Yet, it was fun. She always enjoyed when he sang at church but never saw him the way he was at that time. Bob was always a polite, nice person but there was always something about him that made him…what was the word she was looking for? Forgettable. His singing voice is clear and strong and he projected himself well on stage. Off stage he was so ordinary.

Bob seemed so in command of himself. He was larger than life. She found him more attractive than she previously thought. No! She told herself. Jack was on the other side of the world fighting for his country and his life. She loved Jack. Just because she missed him and missed masculine attention, she would not fall for Bob. How did he peek over the wall she put up? Was she looking back? He wasn’t even trying to get her attention, was he? Did he even know she was there when he came into the pantry? How could he know? How could he so quickly find a weakness in her armor?

The Parting: Getting Serious

Nancy sat at the kitchen table contemplating her coffee. She splurged that last trip to the store and bought some Irish Crème creamer instead of Mini Moos. Jack had been in Afghanistan for a few months now. She had one young man left in high school. She wondered about her life. Where does she go now? Her husband had been dead for 4 years. His death was hard on the whole family but everyone had dealt with it in their own way and had grown. Here she sat wondering to herself, where do I go now?

Jack’s younger brother, John, was months away from graduating from high school. Nancy could see the day when the kids were gone and she was an empty nester. What does she do with her life? She and her husband fought the good fight throughout all the hard knocks life threw at them. Each time they grew closer. She remembered days when the two of them sat crying, holding each other, wondering where their next meal would come from. They were grateful that a neighbor gave them rice. They ate rice for a few days but were extremely thankful. She was determined to do for others who were in a time of need.

She was already doing her part in a small way. She volunteered at the food pantry at her church. It always warmed her heart when she could love on someone who came in for some food. Too often, they entered the pantry with a bit of fear. Usually, they were embarrassed. Nonetheless, Nancy’s smile and warm reception eased their trepidation and they always left with a smile and a glimmer of hope.

Therefore, Nancy knew she wanted to do some type of ministry full time. She wasn’t sure she wanted to be a missionary. Maybe she’d start her own food kitchen or take over the one at church. Whatever God wanted her to do.

Later in the day she went through the canned goods that had been donated. It wasn’t often but sometimes people donated expired items so they all had to be checked. Also, like a grocery, the stock had to be rotated. Old stuff forward, new food in the back. As she looked at and stacked each can, she looked forward to Charlotte coming to visit during her lunch break. Needless to say, she hoped for news about Jack.

Nancy heard the door open and close. She called out, “Hello.” “Hello to you, Ms. Nancy.” was the reply. Bob peered around the corner and smiled.

Hello, Bob, what are you doing here?

I’m supposed to meet Janet so we can go over a piece I’m supposed to sing in a couple weeks. Any news from Jack?

Nothing lately. He says he is healthy. He has some good friends and guys in his platoon are top notch. Thank you for asking.

Please tell him I am praying for him and think about him often.

I will.

With that, Bob walked into the sanctuary. A few minutes later she heard him singing. Since Janet hadn’t arrived, he was singing a cappella. It was a lively tune and he seemed to really be into it.

Charlotte walked in quickly and gave a hug to Nancy. “How are you today?” Nancy smiled and said, “I am well. You? Have you heard from my boy?” Charlotte returned the smile and replied, “No nothing yet.”

The two girls chit chatted while the music in the sanctuary continued. Janet arrived through another door and the two of them went through the piece a couple times. Bob was very high spirits and it showed in his singing. When he finished singing, he and Janet went their separate ways. Bob came back into the pantry with a rush and singing in a loud vaudeville type voice sang the “Hello Ma Baby” song from the Warner Brothers cartoon. Both Nancy and Charlotte laughed at Bob and he carried on with the part.

Seeing Charlotte gave Bob a jolt but he was in entertainer mode so, since the show must go on, he continued until the familiar tune was finished. He made certain to split time crooning to both ladies and they both seemed to enjoy it giving their applause when he finished.

At the completion of the song, Bob said with a dramatic flourish, “I must bid you fair maidens adieu but you have made my day with your adoration. I have more shows tomorrow at 1, 4, and 7.” Then he disappeared through the door.

Still smiling, Nancy looked away from Bob and noticed Charlotte still looking at the door. Instantly, her mother bear reflexes were activated.

The Parting: Getting Closer

Bob spent his whole life doing the right thing.  Since he was a little boy, he tried to please people.  At a very early age, he understood that he could watch what other people did.  If bad things, like a spanking or being yelled at, happened to them when they did something wrong, he wasn't going to do it.

He accepted Jesus as his savior when he was at a church camp the summer he turned 13. He never regretted it for a moment. Having God as a part of his life was fantastic. He enjoyed going to church. He loved to sing in the choir. In some ways, being in church was his drug. Life can beat down on a person sometimes. Church is the ultimate pick me up.


Bob remembers the first time he met Charlotte. A bunch of people decided to go to the local Olive Garden after church one Sunday. She was visiting church for the first time and her friend, Vicky, asked her to go out to eat also. At the big table where they all sat, Vicky introduced Charlotte to Bob and the group. Though Bob was nearly on the opposite side of the table, he felt his heart jump. Charlotte's eyes moved around the table as Vicky called out the names of the individuals there. Electricity shot through Bob's body when Charlotte's eyes met his when his name was called.

Bob had seen pretty ladies before but there was something special about Charlotte. Nevertheless, Bob never acted on his feelings. He didn't want to make a fool of himself. While he was well liked in the community and especially at the church, he personally felt awkward around women. At least those he felt were special.

He never really spoke to Charlotte after that until the church pot luck. He knew Charlotte and Jack were committed to each other. Still, something compelled him to sit next to her that day and start a conversation. Talking about Jack was easy. It would be a nonthreatening topic. What better way to get to know such a special lady than to choose a subject that she loves?

Since that day, Bob's thoughts were constantly filled with Charlotte. He was on a high for the whole week. Still, he didn't dare call her or anything. The whole town knew Jack, Charlotte, and Bob. If Bob started to pursue Charlotte, it was bound to get back to Jack one way or another. He didn't want to be part of a scandal. Nevertheless, in his heart of hearts, Bob sent a small but deeply felt prayer to heaven. "God, can it please be Your will that I can get closer to Charlotte?" He couldn't bring himself to ask that he would have Charlotte. For now, he would be satisfied with being closer.

The Parting: Long Distance Relationship

Continuation:  The following contains an actual story I have read before. 


The days turned to weeks and the weeks to months. One night, after a long day at work, Charlotte, pulled out the journal she started and turned to the day after Jack left.  She was reminded the first few hours were hell.  He just walked away.  He never looked back.  She remembered thinking, "Why God, why? Why did you let me open my heart only to crush it like this? If that your purpose then just kill me and be done with it.

She remembered waking the following morning and it seemed all a bad dream but reality quickly hit.  The bad part of the dream was that it was actually real.  Can it get any worse? Charlotte then decided that she had to get into a routine.  She had to do something with herself or she would be a mindless, sobbing idiot.  She determined she would go to work and put on a happy face.  She wouldn't act like nothing happened but she would, how do the English say it, put on a stiff upper lip?

Fortunately, work was a routine she could easily manage.  She found herself regularly looking at Jack's patient information on the computer when no one was looking.  Still, she made it through the day with no tears and, in her mind at least, that was a major accomplishment.

Charlotte also remembered trying to decide whether or not she would cross off each day on the calendar until Jack would return.  She did put a little dot on the days.  She may still put a big "X" through the days.  Maybe when the day gets closer.

She decided send him a letter or email every day. She knew his world was changing like hers but in ways she was certain she may never fully understand.  While he would see war, she would be reminded of him by the many places they had been together.  She would see them every day and her heart would be broken.  He would have no reminders of home except his memories and whatever he brought with him.  She wanted to give him snippets of home as often as possible.

Jack's days were filled with training, patrols, boredom and terror.  His skills were continually being honed. However, while becoming an efficient killer, he was being taught how to "win the hearts and minds" of the people. While this seemed odd at first, Jack quickly realized it was better to have allies in a foreign land than to have everyone your enemy. He already knew that the enemy there wore no uniform. The enemy looked just like the civilians. The training that hit home the most was told by his commanding officer who did a tour in Afghanistan the previous year.

His CO told the story of an old woman stole a small box of ammunition. There she was, hunched with osteoporosis and walking away with that box. Occasionally, she looked back at them with a toothless grin. The CO told his troops huddled around him that they believed she thought she had a box of food. Since many people in the area were hungry it was common for locals to steal. Now they were faced with a dilemma. Due to the distance she was away from them, it wouldn't be long before she would be out of sight. What if she actually was working with the Taliban and they got a hold of the ammo? The CO was responsible for it and the lives of the people it would be used against. Do they shoot her? She's an old woman. How would he feel if someone shot his grandma? People began yelling at her to stop. She continued walking.

The CO screamed for a magazine with tracer rounds. He began to shoot tracer bullets close to the old woman in the hopes she would drop box. Zing! Zing! Each round cracked by her getting closer and closer. Finally the old woman got the message and dropped the box. She turned and shook a fist and them and screamed something. Then she walked off.

Finally, the CO said that each of them may be faced with choices they don't want to make. A local may start walking toward them and they may have a bomb under their clothing. You want locals to keep their distance whenever possible. It is necessary for them to stop and show what is under their clothes. If they don't you may have to shoot them. You may be sorry if you shoot someone. You may be sorrier if you don't.

Jack longed to hold Charlotte. He wanted to feel her, touch her, smell her. He strained to recall each time he had heard her laugh. She had a contagious giggle. He also missed his family. How he wished he could convey to all of them how much he loved them.

The Parting: Insanity

Though he had been in country for a few months, the last week had taken a toll on Jack. Consecutive nights on night patrol frayed his nerves. The sounds in the dark seemed ominous. Every creaking, snapping, or moaning sound caused new surges of adrenaline to shoot... through his body. If the enemy were out there, he was certain they could hear his pounding heart. After a week with only a few fitful minutes of sleep, Jack was a stumbling zombie. That was the easy part. In the months he had been in Afghanistan, he had seen too many things that were better not to relive in dreams.

The broken, torn bodies of 2 of his friends were the worst. He denoted the second worst to be their screams as the wounded writhed in pain. Pete was the first to get hit. Shot as they climbed one of the many steep hills in the region they patrolled, Pete fell as backward and started sliding down the hill, trailing blood. Jack shut his eyes as he replayed the images again but shook his head and opened his eyes to make them go away. The image of Todd’s death was simply his body. His head was downhill when Jack finally got to him shortly after the medic left. The blood had started pooling in his head and, since his heart no longer functioned, the oxygenless blood left his face with a bluish/purplish hue to it.

Maybe things will change. Only time will tell if someone can transition from warrior to civilian without lasting problems. Maybe the WWI and WWII soldiers had a big benefit. They had a month or so on a ship going across the ocean. They had a buffer zone, so to speak, between death and destruction and a home with clean sheets, mom and apple pie. They could decompress.

It isn’t normal to be a soldier, Jack thought. It isn’t normal when you go on a walk that that you have to be ready to kill someone. Sometimes that is the sole purpose of your movements. It isn’t normal to know there are people that want to kill you. They are making plans to do it. Someone is making plans for you to go kill someone else. He denoted it as insanity! It is all insanity.

The Parting: Every Day Life

They were never really close before. Charlotte and Jack’s mother, Nancy, had a barrier between them. The wall was Jack. Of course, Jack never wanted any friction between his women. They were the two most important ladies in his life. Still, to Nancy it seemed that Charlotte was taking away a son she wasn’t ready to give up. In the month’s that followed Jack’s deployment, the two developed a close bond.

They spoke on the phone almost daily. Every letter and email was shared. Charlotte shared the first letter she received.  

Hello,

I am writing so that you will know that all is well for me. Today I went on my first patrol. I will say it was scary but nothing happened other than we saw a couple dead bodies from a fire fight a couple days ago. The chow here is pretty good. I’m with good friends so, overall, I can’t complain. Please don’t worry about me. I’m with a good group of guys. We have some veterans who know what they are doing. I’m in good hands.

I want you to know that I love you very much. I miss you and can’t wait to see you again. Please write often since letters are such a bright spot in our days. I will write again as soon as time permits.

Love,
Jack

 

Both women began to respect one another. Charlotte began to see the strength in Nancy a women who overcame a financially poor childhood to become a mother who fiercely protected her family. She was loyal, proud, and loved her family. Nancy came to understand that, while Charlotte was young and still trying to find her way in the world, her heart was good. More and more she believed that Charlotte wasn’t trying to steal Jack away for selfish reasons. She truly wanted what was best for him.

Charlotte settled into the routine of life on the home front when your soldier is off to war. Work continued to be work. There were clothes to be washed, food to be cooked, dishes to be done, and cars to be maintained.  Sprinkle in the little mishaps and aggravations that happen on occasion and you understand her life.  She thought about Jack often and prayed for him even more often.  People at church continued to be supportive and she appreciated the prayers offered up for protection and safety for Jack.  It gave her peace.

An interesting thing happened one Sunday.  A young man from church, who was a couple years older than Charlotte, sat next to her at a pot luck lunch after the Sunday service.  His name was Bob. They began talking about Jack. Bob had many question about Jack’s deployment, his unit, and how long he would be in Afghanistan.  Bob was a animated and smiling.  While their conversation was pleasant enough and there was no indication of any advances from Bob, Charlotte felt uneasy.  Still, Bob was no stranger. He lived in the town his whole life and everyone knew him and liked him.  Nevertheless, call it women’s intuition if you like, but Charlotte decided to put a barricade between her heart and Bob.  She was Jack’s girl.

The Parting

This is a story that is coming to me and I have to write it down. I don't know where it will go or how it will end.  I welcome your feedback.

His eyes were closed. He didn't want to see her face. He couldn't bear to see the hurt. "I love you." he mumbled through tight lips. The tears began to flow from her eyes. She knew she'd never see him again. It seemed obvious. They held each other and savored every moment. They memorized the feel of each other's body as they pressed against one another. The love was genuine. Well, as genuine as the love of 20 year old kids can be. Still, the prospect of the impending separation loomed over them ominously. Jack was going off to war.

Jack was 4 months older than Charlotte but they have been serious about each other since Jack went off to basic training over a year ago. Charlotte was a receptionist at the chiropractor's office Jack used after an injury he got once when roller blading. At first, Jack enjoyed seeing the petite red head with the green eyes simply because she was beautiful. Still, the more he visited the chiropractor, the more he flirted with her, he hoped she was as interested in him as he was in her.

Charlotte certainly noticed the tall, muscular boy the moment he walked in the office. She memorized every bit of information he put on the forms. While she always smiled when he walked into the room, she was very reserved around him. She had a wall between them. A jock had hurt her before. She wasn't going to let that happen again.

"I love you too, Jack." Charlotte whispered. She was so afraid. She had finally opened her heart to love and it was being ripped from her. She felt her heart was being torn from her body.

Jack never wanted to hurt Charlotte. In spite of the stereotypes about athletic types, Jack was a very caring, compassionate young man and he was able to get around the wall Charlotte had. He didn't take her by storm. The wall melted in love. Around Charlotte, he was a gentleman. He praised her in private and in public. He also sent flowers to her office from time to time. Most of all, he was genuinely interested in her day when they got together. Sometimes her mind would be crazy and she felt as if she was being pulled in 100 different directions. Nevertheless, Jack would calmly listen to her ramblings and smile. He was her rock.

"Char, I want you to remember something. Remember the time we sat under the stars and we pointed out the constellations?" She nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks. "We picked Orion as our spot in the stars. Whenever you look at Orion, know that I will be too. That is our meeting place. That and letters and emails is how we will be with one another."

They embraced again. Their lips met in a loving, desirous kiss. Each was gathering the strength for the moment they had to part. It was coming too soon. Charlotte was trying to communicate with Jack subliminally. Wishing her emotions could be willed into him so he would understand and accept what she feels, who she is.

Jack broke the bond first. Pulling away and wiping tears from his eyes. "I love you and will write as often as I can." She stood there not believing it was all happening. "I love you, too." she mouthed since no sound came from her throat. "We will be fine. We've talked about this. You are the only one for me. We'll get through this." Then he turned to leave. He would not look back. His heart was broken enough. He didn't want his last glimpse of Charlotte to be one of sorrow. He preferred to see her as he knew her to be: vibrant, beautiful, vivacious. My Charlotte, he thought.

Charlotte, watched Jack walk away wishing he would turn one last time but she knew he wouldn't. They hadn't dated that long but she knew him well enough. Damn him! "Jack, you better come back to me," she whispered.

God Cannot Be Packaged

In our world, everything has to be perfectly packaged in order to give the best possible impression.  We see the best of political candidates and celebrities.  Of course, it isn’t always the best that we see so when something is less than the best, damage control comes in and the public is given a spin on the events so things don’t seem as bad.   

We want things to go smoothly but life isn’t like that.  Even in the best of times, there is always something to cause anxiety or angst.  What is it about life that requires us to be in a constant state of tension?  I am slowing discovering that we have to learn to live with strain in our lives.  Also, we must, and I mean must, learn to quiet ourselves and listen to what God has to say.  A perfect life cannot be given to us in a nice package with a pretty bow on top.  God cannot be packaged. 

He is much too big and beyond anything we can comprehend.  He cannot be presented in a way in which we can neatly understand.  He is in the stupid, everyday, mundane, moments of life.  He is in the things we have done so many times we are sick of doing them.  God speaks to us in the moments of strain.  God is found in the poor we are called to help.  He is in the disasters. 

How is it that God can be in all these things?  If we try to put Him in a box, we miss out on so much.  When we limit God, we reduce what He is capable of.  If we can learn from God by way of the things we readily accept, how much more can we learn from things we don’t like? 

We must accept the good with the bad and look for Him in everything.  Let Him be God.

 

Why is There Suffering?

Compared to some, I haven’t experienced much suffering in my life.  Still, my heart has been broken.  I’ve been in pain.  I know loneliness and sorrow.  People wonder why there is pain and suffering in the world.  How can a just God allow it?  If He really cares about His creation, why doesn’t he blot out these bad things?

In the Old Testament, the book of Job details a painful chapter in the life of a man called Job.  God and the devil met and discussed Job.  God was pleased with Job and how he faithfully served God.  Ultimately, God allows the devil to test Job.  At first he can do anything he wants to Jobs family and belongings, but not Job himself.  After Job proves faithful after losing everything but his life and wife, God allows the devil to test him further. 

Job experiences physical and emotional pain.  He also suffers tremendous loss.  His wife tells him to curse God and die.  Friends come to visit him and comfort him.  They could hardly recognize him at first.  His suffering is so great they could not think of anything to say for a week.  In their understanding of God, you received blessings when you are faithful but punishment when you sin.  Since it appeared Job was being punished, they concluded he had sinned.  Therefore, they advised Job to repent of his sin and God would restore him. 

Job pled his innocence.  He wished for an intermediary between him and God.  He desired for someone who could lay a hand on him and God.  He wanted a comforter.  He wished he had never been born.  He believed he had been wrongfully chastised.  

Where was God?  After debating with his friends, God comes to Job.  What was the answer God gave Job?  Can you imagine this answer? “Job, the devil and I were having bet about how faithful you are.  To make you curse Me, he took away everything and gave you painful sores all over your body.  I knew you would be faithful.  Thank you.” 

If you were to know that is what the spirit world is behind the veil, would you feel better?  I believe you would be quite angry.  We do not want to be pawns.  God created us to have free will.  We want to choose our own way.  Such an answer is not comforting.  If the book of Job teaches us about why people suffer or why bad things happen to good people, I think most people would not be comforted to actually read it.  On the contrary, we would despair even more. 

Instead, God comes to Job and says, “Who is this that obscures my plans with words without knowledge?  Brace yourself up like a man and answer me.”  Then he asks questions like these:  Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth.  Can you take leviathan home as a pet?  Did you give the horse its strength?  Does the eagle soar at your command?  Have you ever given orders to the dawn?  Does the rain have a father?  Would you condemn God to justify yourself? 

Humbled, Job replies, “I am unworthy.  How can I reply?  There’s nothing that You cannot do.  You are the storm that calmed my soul.  I place my hand over my mouth.” 

So why is there suffering in the world?  Why do bad things happen?  Could it be that God knows that the ultimate end of suffering is God Himself?  When things of this world can’t satisfy our emptiness, when there is no healing for our brokenness, we will find that God will ultimately be all that we have.  When God is all that we have, we will learn that God is all that we really need.