Miles and Bob went to their respective homes for the night and Jenny settled into her old bedroom. Thoroughly spent, Nick walked into his room. His eyes rested on the bed where Gwen died 18 hours before. Even when you know death is imminent, there is no amount of preparation that helps you cope with the loss of a loved one. Losing a loving spouse after 30 years of marriage felt like the mountains crashing down.
Bitter pain and numbness fill Nick and his breathing became mournful gasps. He no longer felt the need to mask his pain as he did when the kids were present. Nevertheless, the torrent of sobs that screamed for release were held in check by a hidden force. Instead, tears welled up and his body shook for only a moment. There was nothing more. Like dry heaves, the episode repeated itself four more times. Then it stopped altogether.
Nick considered showering but decided against it. Like one with nothing to live for, life lost all reason. What was the point of bathing? His wife was gone. Instead, he went to the toilet to relieve himself. Rather than stand to urinate, Nick pulled down his pants and plopped onto the toilet seat. Even when the stream of urine stopped, Nick continued sitting. The longer he was alone the more life seemed to leave him. He just didn’t care any more. Suddenly, he heard Gwen walking into the bathroom with the labored breaths she had in her last days.
Nick turned to see her but saw nothing. He continued looking at the door in anticipation but she wasn’t there. While he saw nothing, he still heard Gwen breathing and her footfalls. Nick zipped up his pants and walked to the door, peering into the bedroom. Nothing. Suddenly, Nick felt wholly, completely alone. It was like a bitter wind sweeping through him. Nick was struck with the thought his life would never be the same. Everything he knew about life could only be seen with the knowledge he was a widow. All of life was different now that Gwen was dead. A part of him died too.
