The Parting: A Heart in the Balance

One night Jack was in bed crying.  He sobbed quietly since he didn’t want to disturb anyone in the Andaluz house.  He had heard before that it was beneficial to write out your thoughts so he got out a notebook that he brought.  He sat in bed with tears streaming down his face but no words came to him.  His was mute to express the hurt that permeated his soul.  Slowly, a picture formed in his mind. 

He began to sketch a picture.  With limited artistic talent it was merely lines.  Eventually, it took shape.  I was a wide chasm with a single rope or cable stretched across it.  The drop from the cable was ominous.  It was a perilous trek across the gulf.  On the cable was a fearful, wounded heart.  His heart. 

As Jack looked at his finished work, he continued sobbing.  In his mind, he cried out to God.  “Do you see me?  Do you know the pain in my soul?  Do you realize how lost I feel?  Will I ever feel whole again?”  Then in desperation he cried, “God I need you.” 

He felt so alone, so isolated.  Then a phrase came to his mind.  “A man of sorrow and acquainted with grief.”  He knew it was from the bible but didn’t know where so Jack got out his iPad and Googled the phrase.  It was Isaiah 53:5.  In the NIV bible it said “He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.” 

Instantly, Jack identified with this scripture.  Though Isaiah was not talking about him, but Jesus, Jack understood what it was to have sorrow.  While Jack had not been rejected, something about this compelled him so he read the whole passage.  Parts of it seemed to Jack that it was about him and part about Jesus even though he realized the whole was about Jesus.  He read and reread the chapter 12 times that night.  Each time tears dropped to the screen of his iPad. 

Finally, Jack lay back in his bed pondering the grief that Jesus experienced when he was on earth.  He himself felt so broken, so undone.  How much more did Jesus feel bearing the whole of humanity for all time?  Did Jack really have any comprehension?  Still, Jesus bore it all willingly.  Would or could anyone do that without love in their heart?  Love could be the only reason He would come to earth and identify with His creation and make a way of redemption

Redemption.  Is that what he needed?  No, Jack remembered the day he asked Jesus into his heart so he was redeemed in that sense.  Nonetheless, there was something about him that needed to be made anew.  Since he was unsure as to what it was, he decided to pray for healing and whatever else he needed. 

It was the first time he prayed in a long time.  In Afghanistan he prayed a lot but it was mostly for safety for himself and his friends.  Now he was praying with desperation.  Jack could picture himself wresting with an angel as Jacob had done in the Old Testament story.  He needed God’s blessing and understood it was vital to his very existence.  Jack was seeking to be filled.  He had been emptied.  Now he must fill the vacuum.  He didn’t want a fake fill.  It couldn’t be sea water.  It had to be living water.  For the first time in a long time, Jack knew he wanted to live.