Driftwood

Nick made the reservations months before she died. He wanted to cancel and stay home but his kids insisted he needed to get away. He sat in the humid hotel room grumbling. The air conditioning unit protested loudly and couldn’t keep up. The whine and loud fan irritated him. Actually, the trip to Jaco, Costa Rica is what set him on the path to being Mr. Grumpy.

Mr. Grumpy. That is what Gwen used to call him whenever circumstances started to overwhelm him. He was like a pressure cooker. The pressure would build until he had to blow off steam. Until the moment when he blew, he was Mr. Grumpy. Of course, he was never happy whenever she called him that. Now he longed to hear her say those words. Nick cried.

The tears flowed freely and he was unashamed. He cried often in the 3 months and 4 days since Gwen left him. Breast cancer was the original diagnosis and she had beaten it.  Then two years after she was declared cancer free, a lump appeared on her neck. The cancer quickly spread after that and she was dead exactly 9 months after the doctor visit for the lump on her neck.

After arriving at the Juan Santa Maria International Airport in San Jose, Costa Rica, Nick went downstairs to customs and got through with no problem. Once through customs, he went to claim his luggage. As he approached the carousal for his flight, he saw a man removing one of his suitcases and placing it onto a cart. A little concerned, he walked up and politely said it was his suitcase. The man responded in Spanish but it didn't seem to be an apology. Instead, it appeared the man was offering to help him collect his luggage. He probably wants a tip, Nick thought and said, “No, thank you. I’ll get them myself.” He must have understood and the man left to collect other pieces of luggage.

Nick was concerned about finding his driver. The hotel insisted the driver would be there to meet him and take him to the hotel on the Pacific coast of Costa Rica. As Nick neared the departure door, he saw nothing but a sea of people and faces outside. He felt his blood pressure rise. He opened the door and there was a man standing about 10 feet away holding a sign with his name on it and the name of the hotel. A wave of relief swept over him.

The two of them walked to the car in the parking garage and then left for the coast. Nick didn't realize how tired he was until his head nodding woke him. Nick made small talk with Luis, the driver, and learned that Costa Rica had no standing army and education had a high priority there. Tourism was very important and, since Luis liked people, he made it a point to learn English in order to meet new and interesting people. Luis is a real bright spot and asset to the hotel, Nick thought to himself.

Nick woke up and realized his feet were on the floor as his body went across the bed.  The sun was considerably lower in the sky. His stomach told him it was time go to the hotel restaurant. Since it was low season, there were few people in the hotel. The waitress was very polite but her English was limited. She knew the English words related to the job of waiting tables and food service but when Nick asked about how to get to town, she stammered for a moment and then said, "Sorry, I no know how say."

The hostess spoke English well and suggested Nick take a walk on the private beach behind the pool. She impressed upon him the importance of carrying his room key since that was the only way back through the gate onto the hotel grounds.

Nick always liked the ocean and after charging the meal to his room account, he walked to the rear of the property. He could hear the waves rolling in as he passed the pool. He saw lights from other properties that lined the beach. Once he went through the gate he was unsure which direction to go. He decided to head north, to his right. He walked just a few feet when he noticed a large object on the beach. He got closer and turned on his phone to shed some light on it and learned it was a large, worn log. It was a piece of driftwood.  He touched it, felt around and determined it had no sharp or dangerous spots on it. He decided to sit down for a while.

He looked out over the waves that attacked and retreated from the shore. He could see white breakers some distance from shore. He just sat, soaking in the nature around him. He also loved being around water. Something about it soothed his soul. Though his heart was still broken over the loss of his wife, he enjoyed this moment anyway.

Nick still felt awkward being alone. Everyone he saw had someone with them. Either they had a spouse or significant other or a family that accompanied them. Nick was alone.

It was his oldest daughter, Jennifer, who was the most vocal about him traveling alone. Nick complained he would feel like a third wheel. That is exactly how he felt being there alone. Still, Jenny insisted he needed to find out who he was apart from family. She said that since he and Gwen were high school sweethearts, he knew no other life. If he had to stumble around feeling awkward to find himself, so be it. Besides, he already had a hotel and flight reservations.

Nick pondered for a moment when it means to find yourself. Yes, he did feel lost. When you are used to driving a car and you are suddenly forced to start piloting a UFO, the complexities can blow you away. That was how Nick saw it anyway. He said softly, "God I wish You had told me You were going to change things mid stream." Then he felt stupid for saying that. She had cancer. He got a notice of her death years before it happened. A pang of guilt hit him. He didn't feel like crying but all he could think to say was, "Shit!" and he started back to his room.