What Can We Do With Pain?

Disappointment.  Loneliness.  Heartache.  Pain.  In this case, when I use the word pain, I do not refer to a physical pain like a cut or burn.  I mean pain that is emotional.  Why do we have such pain?  Is there a purpose for it being part of the human makeup?  

In her program, On Being, Krista Tippett interviewed Stuart Brown, who studies play in humans and animals.  She asks Brown about her son, and the difference between playing and fighting and how it seems violent from time to time.  Brown states that such play is universal if it is allowed to emerge.  He goes on to say that if you observe preschoolers at play you would notice it is chaotic and looks violent on the surface.  They are hitting, squealing and yelling.  

However, if you look at their faces, they are smiling.  It isn’t a contest of who is going to win. Brown continues that if a child is hit during this playing and feels genuine pain as a result, they know what that feels like and will be careful not to hit someone else too hard.  Therefore, the rough and tumble play of children is the beginnings of empathy.  

As a person who knows what it is to be rejected, betrayed and lonely, I understand how someone feels who has also been rejected, betrayed and lonely.  You can speak to me of your heartache and I can agree with what you feel.  I am proof you can move on from it.

Children who are too sheltered by their parents have their growth stunted in regards to dealing with the disappointments in life.  I am reminded of a story of someone who decided to help a butterfly as it emerged from the cocoon.  The butterfly was able to get out easily but the wings did not fully develop and were useless.  We have learned that in the struggle to be free of the cocoon, blood is pumped into the wings and enables them to strong and vital.  It is the struggle that supports the needed growth.  

When we have pain in our lives, I agree it is not fun.  Still, we are able to sympathize with others who have a similar experiences.  We need to use the struggles in our life to help others.  We are not meant to live life alone.  Proverbs says two are better than one.  Do not fear sharing your painful experiences.  Your words may be the very thing someone else needs to hear to get through their circumstances.