The Blind Beggar: Part XXXI

Amal and her children sat at the table eating cheese, labneh, and olives.  While sipping tea and munching on the meal, Amal and her daughter, Adeline, did all of the talking.  Her son was unusually quiet.  Amal noticed this and wanted to address it but Adeline was particularly chatty.  She was excited about school a school play where she played the part of a pony.  Adeline loved ponies.  She was very animated as she spoke about it.  Amal couldn’t help but smile and get caught up in her daughter’s pleasure.  

Once Adeline finished talking about the play she began to wind down.  Then Amal transitioned the focus to her son.  “Said, how was your day?”
He stared at his plate and remained quiet.  Amal sensed it was serious.  “Said, honey, what’s wrong?”

Still looking down at his plate he stalled, “Oh, I don’t know.”

“It’s okay.  You can tell me.”

He looked up at his mother and opened his mouth and then closed it. Amal could see the conflict reflected in his face.  Just as she started to rise from her chair to go to him he blurted out,

“Mom, are you going to get married again?”

It was as if everyone in the house was suddenly taciturn.  The only sound was the clock on the wall and distant noises outside the apartment.  Adeline looked at her brother.  The normally talkative child was speechless.  Amal, was taken aback.  She looked down at the table and to her son.  With a nervous laugh she asked, “Wha, why do you ask, honey?”

“Someone at school was saying it isn’t right for you not to be married but I told him you didn’t want to get married again.  He said every proper woman knows she supposed to be married.  Otherwise, it isn’t right.”

Adeline softly asked, “Do you want to get married again, mama?”

Amal looked from child to child.  She hadn’t considered that thought.  After her husband died, Amal put all of her focus on her children.  Once the insurance money began running low, she started again writing her blog in order to have a steady income.  Being with another man, let alone marriage, had never entered her mind. 
Finally, Amal responded, “Well, I haven’t thought about it.  I don’t know.  I don’t think so.”

Adeline said, “Mama, I want you to be happy but I also don’t want someone to take you away from us.”
“What?  Honey no one will ever take you away from me.  You are both my children.  Even if I did get married, and I don’t plan to ever do that, you are still my children.  Nothing changes that.  Do you understand that?”

Both children nodded their understanding.  Said added, “I just want you to be happy, mama.”
Amal pushed back from the table and held out her arms.  Then she beaconed with her fingers.  Adeline jumped from her chair and onto one of her mother’s legs.  Rolling his eyes, Said slowly rose from his seat and sat on the other.  Then the three hugged one another. 

In the quiet and security of her bedroom, the question began to haunt Amal.  Did she want to marry again?  She wasn’t pleased to be married when it happened.  She had to marry someone she barely knew.  She had to give up her dreams.  At the time, they were still childish dreams but she had no choice in the matter. 
Then the thought hit her.  If she were to marry, she wanted to marry Ali. It was the same when she was young.  He was the only one she believed she could ever give herself to.  Ali was a man who would allow her to blossom into the woman she was created to be.  His kindness and gentle spirit always brought joy to her soul. 

The mere thought of her and Ali together carried her to the heavens.  Her heart felt light and carefree.  She pictured herself held in Ali’s arms.  She remembered his touch a few years ago when they briefly saw one another in Daiwik’s house.  Her face tingled as she reflected on his fingers seeing her face.  She laughed at his remark of her getting fat.  Oh Ali, my love.  I miss you.  My Ali, my love. 

Amal opened her eyes.  Since she didn’t know where he was, there was no way for any of that to happen.  She squashed her fanciful thoughts and settled her mind to forget it.  Like when she was young, she would never be with Ali.  If she were to be happy, she would make her own happiness.