Those Darn Kids

Last night my oldest daughter invited us to join her and her husband for dinner.  In my family, as with many others in the world, sharing a meal is important and a wonderful form of intimacy.  We always talk and tell stories around the table.  Last night was no exception.  I’ll share a few from my family and one from my son in law.  Oh, I normally don’t share the names of my family but there is too much here to keep everyone straight.  Here is the scoresheet: 

Oldest son               Daniel

Oldest daughter        Brittany

Youngest son           Wes

Youngest daughter    Lauren

Son in law               Joe

When my children were young, the boys each had their own room and the girls shared one large room.  Most of the stories take place in the girls’ room. 

Normally, I would either read a bedtime story or would make up one on the spot.  We found it to be fun when I used the kids as characters in the stories.  Once stories were done, it was time to sleep.  The boys went to their rooms and so did I.  They boys were quiet if they didn’t actually sleep but the girls…… Brittany loved to cause problems. 

I would hear a commotion coming from their end of the hallway and I loudly state they need to be quiet and go to sleep.  The quiet only lasted a few minutes and noise, again, built gradually from the girls’ room.  Now, you can probably imagine this was a regular thing.  You are right.  What I’m about to describe also happened a lot.  So much so it was hard for me to keep from laughing each time it happened. 

In frustration I would walk up the hall and flipped the switch to turn on the light in their room.  Brittany would be on the floor with a look of mock horror at being caught.  Lauren was in the bed stifling her laughter.  I would demand, with as much authority I could muster while suppressing my own chuckles, that she get her butt in bed and keep it there! AND BE QUIET!

Another common occurrence in that room was the torturing of someone’s favorite stuffed animal.  I once wondered why the ceiling fan in the girls’ room was suddenly wobbly.  I found out the day Wesley came to me upset and crying.  He said Danny took Rainbow, his toy chameleon, and hung it from the ceiling fan.  I go in the room and the plush, rainbow colored lizard was flying circles around the room.  Dan tied a string around the reptile’s neck and the other end was tied to a fan blade.  Wesley couldn’t reach his treasured friend and Dan wouldn’t let him near the switch on the wall to shut off the fan.  Of course, when Wesley left to get me, Dan disappeared. 

Having seen this act by their older brother, the two middle children decided to torture their baby sister.  Lauren had several small plush toys.  Instead of hanging them from the fan, Brittany and Wesley thought it fun to throw the toys into the fan and watch them fly to various parts of the room after hitting a fan blade.  Lauren says she is still scarred by these barbaric actions.  Brittan and Wes still agree it was much fun. 

Joe is the oldest of three boys.  One time Joe decided to beat up on the brother closest to him in age.  Somehow, a mobile phone was turned on and it called his father’s boss’s phone.  If I remember correctly, Joe’s dad and boss were in a meeting.  All they could hear was the sound of once child crying and a kids rampaging around the house.  Of course, Joe’s dad was NOT happy when he got home. 

Moving forward to modern times, not too long ago, Brittany, Joe, Wes, and Lauren all slept in the girls' room one night.  The boys slept on an inflatable mattress and the girls on the other bed.  We had a terrible thunderstorm that night and it woke Brittany with a start.  It scared her and she sat up in bed fearfully announcing, "It's starting!"

Joe, walking down the long corridor of his mind from sleep to consciousness, asked, "What?"

"The end of the world."

Joe was still trying to comprehend what she was talking about when Lauren said with her typical morning grumpiness, "No its not.  Go back to sleep.  Then she rolled over and pulled the covers up closer.  Wesley slept through it all.  

The conversation of snoring came up but I’ll save this topic for another day.