The School of Life

 

My grandson is inching toward two years of age.  He is a sweet little boy who is quite talkative and has an amazing sense of humor.  His effervescent demeanor charms all who come in contact with him.  I also see a soft heart and gentle spirit in him.  The little boy warms my heart.

 

Recently, he started going to a day care 2 days per weeks.  On his first day of “school,” his mom, grandma, and I brought him there.  We took photos and he met his teacher.  It is hit me hard when I saw his face the moment he realized we were leaving him there.  I fought back tears as his spilled onto his cheeks.  In that moment, I wished life didn’t have to be like that.  Why should we have to separate, even for a short time, from our little boy?  I hurt for him.  I started to feel an existential question bubble up in my heart: Why must he/we do things we don’t want to do?  

 

We were able to watch him through a two way mirror and his fear eased as he clutched his blanket.  When we returned three hours later, he sat on the floor in the middle of the room looking through a book.  He loves books.  There were 2 children crying in the room but, with blanket in hand, he was lost in his book.  We called to him but he couldn’t hear us.  Finally, he turned, recognized us, and got up.  His eyes looked weary.  He normally would have had a nap but missed it. 

 

Driving home, I pondered my earlier thoughts about humans experiencing heartache.  On a primal level, I wish no one has to suffer the pain of separation or loss.  Unfortunately, life will never allow it.  We cannot be everywhere and everything to everyone.   As much as it hurts, we must experience disappointment, loss, and pain.  While it might sound like heaven, a life without negatives would be more hellish. 

 

Have you ever known someone who has lived life mostly alone and able to do as they wish?  Are they not eccentric?  I have family members who do not want to have children because kids will ruin their ability to travel.  I know their parents traveled with them when they were young so it can be done.  I’ll just get to the point.  When left to do as they please, people become spoiled.  Spoiled children are a nuisance.  Spoiled adults are boorish at best.  Who wants to deal with spoiled children or adults?

 

As I consider these situations, I find myself more grateful for the trials of life.  I haven’t always enjoyed them but I’ve grown and gained strength due to the fires. Iron sharpens iron and I know I’ve had people in my life who have challenged me.  By this, I mean their temperament was contrary to mine and I had to adjust.  I don’t like it but the callouses have fortified my soft heart and I have a greater appreciation for beautiful moments of my earthly existence. 

 

I’ve heard it said before we appreciate light because of darkness.  Because of life’s challenges, we can embrace pain, loss, heartache, abandonment and other privations of life.  Perhaps we can’t while in the moment.  I am very acquainted with the darker times of life.  Still, when your heart heals, (please seek help if this isn’t happening for you) your life can be so much more that it was before. 

Quest

 

Echoes in the halls
A promised land calls
Can you find the clout?
Or even know the rout?

Going from either to or
Always knocking the door
Release all your might
You will gain the sight

DWP

(c) May 2022

Grandma's House

It's funny how memories pop up.  

My dad's parents lived in Marquette, Michigan when I was very young.  For some reason, some memories of that place came to mind.  I'm just going to jot some of them down.  

The front door had a storm door that opened the opposite way from the main door.  That is, the storm door swung to the left but the house door to the right.  The storm door also had a device that would either hold it open or allowed it to slowly close.  I once got the pinky finger on my right hand caught in the door when it closed.  Looking back at that moment, I'm surprised it didn't break my finger.  

Since we lived in central Illinois, we didn't see my grandparents but once or twice each year.  Normally, we drove there in July.  There was one time we went and my grandparents had some sparklers.  My siblings and I ran around in the back yard one night, swinging our arms around to watch the light and colors of the sparklers.  I then tripped on the anchor used to hold the leash for the dog, Lady, so she couldn't leave the yard.  When I fell, my face fell onto the sparkler and burned my face on the right side near my lips.  

On a happier note, I remember once sleeping with my grandparents.  When I awoke in the morning, I remember grandma picking me up and setting me onto the floor.  As she turned, rolling on the bed, I reached out and grabbed her hair.  I still don't know why I did that.  

Just off the kitchen and, I think, in front of the back door, there was a chalk board.  Once, my sister and I drew pictures on it.  They were silly pictures.  She drew stick figures of me with either a huge body and tiny head or vice versa.  

I find it interesting that when I focus on memories and places like I am now, I remember more and more things.  I like these strolls down memory lane.  

A Man After God’s Own Heart

I met Alejandro while on a mission trip to the Talamanca region of Costa Rica about 8 years ago.  He was a young man who left the comforts of home, like the rest of us, to give gifts to underprivileged children in the jungle.  It was a long, exhausting trip that brought us to various groups of people.  It was equal parts joy and heartache to see the need but also the smiles of those receiving their gifts.  It was fun going down a river that bordered Panama in a dugout canoe type of boat. 

Alejandro and I sat in the back of the bus during our return to San Jose.  I was impressed by this young man.  He was still in high school but he WANTED to serve.  We have stayed in touch over the years.  He is now married and has a one year old daughter.  We joke she will marry my grandson. 

Today, Alejandro and his family are missionaries in Romania.  Today he and to other men he works with went to the Ukrainian border with some basic supplies and to see how they can help.  He told me what he saw broke his heart.  There is so much need.  I hope to share more soon about what they need and how we can help. 

#ukraine

Sick, Time Travel, Grandson

While I feel better than a few days ago, I feel I could sleep all day and all night.  Also, I just want to be warm.  Actually, I want to sweat.  Just to be hot and sweaty.  While I think I still can muster the strength for that, THAT isn’t what I mean.

I’ve noticed I crave salty foods.  Maybe it is some sort of electrolyte thing.  Hard to say.  I did get some Gatorade and Pedialyte.  I think I want some more. 

Sometimes when I am in bed I have moments like I’m lucid dreaming.  Actually, I had an episode a couple weeks ago where I dreamed about time travel.  (That has happened before and I even wrote a story based on what I saw in the dream.)  In this case, I my dream dealt with the fact that whenever we consider time travel, mind, body, and spirit must travel together.  What if we could leave the body behind?  That eliminates many obstacles to time travel. 

My grandson also has covid.  Poor little guy.  He just wants to be held.  I put him down yesterday and he slept in his bed for a while but awoke crying.  I went and picked him up and laid him on my chest for a while.  I could tell he was getting feverish.  Everyone once in a while, he would say something or make a noise.  I couldn’t see his eyes but I think they were open the whole time.  He is such a sweet little boy. 

He still makes more noises than actual words but his vocabulary is expanding and his understanding of the world grows each day.  For a couple months now, I would say his name (Silas) and mine (grandpa).  When doing this I would place my hand on his chest when saying his name and on my chest when saying mine.  Occasionally, I would point to our noses or some other part.  Also, I would use his hand to do the pointing.  Recently, when saying his name, he puts his hand on his chest.  I pray we recover soon.

Covid: Well, this is new

 If this post makes little to no sense, I sincerely apologize.  My head is quite foggy and my body feel charged.  It almost feels tingly.  I'm not sure why though.

Two days ago I finally joined the club.  That is, I tested positive for Covid.  Hurray for me!  I had been joking for a while now that my wife and I must be immune.  Alas, we have it.  Compared to some, I guess my symptoms are mild.  I've felt worse and worked but have stayed home. I feel bad my grandson must have gotten sick from us since we watch him during the week.  

Whenever I get sick it seems post-nasal drip is the first thing I experience.  The same was true with this.  After a couple days of that, I got tight neck muscles.  Along with that was very tense scalp muscles.  The top of my head literally hurt to touch.  Mind you, I didn't cry out in pain when I did touch my head but the sensation was painful.  

There was one day that I just wanted to sleep.  I did nap during the day and slept through the night.  I think the extra time in bed simply added to the muscle tension.  I took the baby for a couple laps around the neighborhood and they seemed to loosen my muscles.  I felt better but I could still feel something wasn't right.  

We spent time outdoors since the weather was mild and day was sunny.  We even took the baby outside to sit in the grass for the first time.  He enjoyed it immensely.  

With the extra time to ourselves, we have cooked and eaten soups, drank copious cups of tea, taken hot showers and epsom salt baths, and various other things to alleviate our symptoms.  As I sit here typing, I feel a mild pressure in the sinus directly behind my nose even though my head has been clear.  By that I mean my sinuses are clear.  As I said before, my brain isn't clear.  

Sometimes I can't think of words.  Sometimes I start to do something only to think I should do something else.  I had gone 2 days without coffee.  I sometimes take off a day just to do it.  Two off days wasn't major.  Most disappointingly, coffee hasn't tasted good.  Everything else is fine.  

So this is the novel coronavirus.  This is new

for me

Shorties: 77

Miles and Bob went to their respective homes for the night and Jenny settled into her old bedroom.  Thoroughly spent, Nick walked into his room.  His eyes rested on the bed where Gwen died 18 hours before.  Even when you know death is imminent, there is no amount of preparation that helps you cope with the loss of a loved one.  Losing a loving spouse after 30 years of marriage felt like the mountains crashing down.

 

Bitter pain and numbness fill Nick and his breathing became mournful gasps.  He no longer felt the need to mask his pain as he did when the kids were present.  Nevertheless, the torrent of sobs that screamed for release were held in check by a hidden force.  Instead, tears welled up and his body shook for only a moment.  There was nothing more.  Like dry heaves, the episode repeated itself four more times.  Then it stopped altogether.

 

Nick considered showering but decided against it.  Like one with nothing to live for, life lost all reason.  What was the point of bathing?  His wife was gone.  Instead, he went to the toilet to relieve himself.  Rather than stand to urinate, Nick pulled down his pants and plopped onto the toilet seat.  Even when the stream of urine stopped, Nick continued sitting. The longer he was alone the more life seemed to leave him. He just didn’t care any more.  Suddenly, he heard Gwen walking into the bathroom with the labored breaths she had in her last days.  

 

Nick turned to see her but saw nothing.  He continued looking at the door in anticipation but she wasn’t there.  While he saw nothing, he still heard Gwen breathing and her footfalls.  Nick zipped up his pants and walked to the door, peering into the bedroom.  Nothing. Suddenly, Nick felt wholly, completely alone.  It was like a bitter wind sweeping through him.  Nick was struck with the thought his life would never be the same.  Everything he knew about life could only be seen with the knowledge he was a widow.  All of life was different now that Gwen was dead.  A part of him died too.