Thursday, July 18, 2019

Truth is older than you imagine


Truth is older than you imagine
A sage of knowledge it beckons
To guide in ways unseen
Look away from the city lights
All the twinkles isn’t gold
Forsake your arrogance
The belief you already know
Let wisdom instruct
And prune your dead limbs
Then let the fruit grow

© July 2019
Duane Windell Phillips

Thoughts about God and if such a being exists


Note, I was born into a family with Christian faith.  However, like many people, my parents were Christian by birth.  It wasn’t until I was about 10 years old, my family began taking the Christian faith seriously.  Even still, there is much I know about God that was handed down to me by my parents and places I’ve lived.  Being human, even with good intentions we can mess up things. 

I’ve been taught God is all powerful, all knowing, and has always existed.  He is perfect in every way.  For me, imagining a being as all powerful and all knowing isn’t too difficult.  The always existed part is difficult.  Everything on earth has a beginning and end.  Something that has always been and will always be is mind blowing. 

We like to think of God as loving or at least benevolent.  Some people have their doubts.  Recently, I’ve had some thoughts on this matter.  With all the bad in the world, is it really difficult to believe God is good?  Consider this:  If God is all powerful and not benevolent, life on earth would be hell everywhere at all times.  What is there to stop an evil being that can’t be hindered in any way?  If God actually did speak the universe into existence, what puny work of our hands can match up with Him?

In the Christian faith, we believe we cannot earn our way into God’s favor.  Because of the sin of Adam in the Garden of Eden, man is forever cursed to a life of sin.  The bible states in Isaiah 64:6 that all our works (some translations say our righteous acts) are as filthy rags.  

If the best we can is worthless, we have no hope?  In the book of Job, after Job lost all his wealth and children, he also lost his health.  He wondered why God was against him but also why God was silent.  As the devil continued to pressure Job to curse God, Job realized how helpless he was.  If God was truly against him, Job recognized his helplessness to making things right.  Therefore, it all rested on God to mend any rift.  The same translates to us now.  If God is against us, we are completely damned.  If God is for us, who can be against us?

Another thought I’ve had lately is about faith.  We talk about having faith and that when we do so, we believe things we can’t see or hold.  Therefore, in a way, to believe God exists, even for those who see evidence of His existence by the mere reality of the universe, is an act of faith.  Still, we must live life where we are.  It takes faith to believe you will have enough money for your rent/mortgage, daily meals, car repairs etc.  These are tangible.  What about personal things?

We talk about having the faith to be healed of disease but what about faith to be sick?  We are told if we have faith we can accomplish great things.  What if we are called to toil with no obvious results or if someone else gets the acclaim?  Do we have faith to be no one when the world thinks everyone should be important and glamorous? 

Let me finish with this thought:  One of my prayers this year is for God to show me things I believe to be true but aren’t.  Whether they are things specifically about God or life, I want to know if my beliefs are wrong.  Only when I see things properly can I live life correctly.  Only if my faith is based on truth can I live out that faith to ends that are within God’s will. 

#faith #christian

Thursday, July 4, 2019

Glacier

God is glacier against our feet planted in defiance
Slowly but persistently He moves
Incessant
Relentless
Omnipotent
Gravity scraping tendrils of obstinacy
Eroding the barnacles of indifference
Dissolving the lumps of pride
A snap or quake
Until we reach the waters
Cleansed of till
Worthy and whole

© July 2019
Duane Windell Phillips

Tuesday, July 2, 2019

Shorties: 69

With persistent rooster calls, Andrea gave in to the inevitable. She arose and observed the bodies occupying the air mattresses filling her bedroom. Many more filled the house. Rubbing her eyes, Andrea stood and had to balance herself. She wasn’t drunk and had no hangover. She was simply exhausted.  Weeks of planning culminated in the 80th birthday party for her uncle mere hours ago. True to form, family from far and wide attended. 

The previous two days were filled with various activities. Mostly, everyone occupied the hours in conversation with loved ones and newly acquainted relatives. Then there was the party. After a feast there was music and dancing. In spite of many late nights leading up to this extravaganza, the party was still going strong at 3 AM. Andrea then decided it was time to turn. Music kept her up an additional 30 minutes.  Now it was 6:00 and Andrea wanted to wring the neck of every rooster in the country.

Stepping quietly around the air mattresses, Andrea heard her sister, Carmen, stir. She recognized the sounds from 40 years ago when they shared a bed in their father’s house. Andrea bent down and gently rubbed Carmen’s shoulder. Carmen released a whining groan in protest to being roused. Andrea thought of how some things never change. Carmen never wants to wake up. 

Walking toward the kitchen, Andrea heard the ladies preparing breakfast and smelled coffee brewing. It was an extra expense but worth it. Andrea knew her family would pitch in whenever something needed to be done, they had already done it that week, but having the meals cooked and dishes washed, allowed everyone time to relax and enjoy the company of others. 

Andrea greeted the ladies who attended their business and asked if the coffee was ready. It wasn’t yet. Andrea softly requested, “Would you bring me a cup when it is ready?”

“Yes, of course.”

Andrea shuffled to her rocking chair and fell into it. She closed her eyes and immediately felt sleep taking hold of her. The rhythm of the rocking chair lured her further into slumber. Then Andrea felt a touch on her shoulder and jumped with a start. 

Maria handed her a cup of coffee saying “Sorry to wake you.”

As she sipped her cup and rocked in her chair, other family members also surrendered to the day. About this time, breakfast was ready and the ladies started serving those present. Andrea watched them and their interactions between mouthfuls. The numbers increased as more arrived. Hugs and kisses mixed with words of affection were her observations. Around the table, Andrea absorbed it all. The histories were betrayed by the actions and reactions of her family. 

Andrea paused to soak it all in. She wanted to hold this moment forever. She loved her family and her heart was full. As much as she wanted a perfect night of revelry, Andrea was reminded what always meant more. She wanted to share the love of her family and the love they held for the other. If only precious moments could be held forever in a bottle. 

Saturday, June 8, 2019

A Tale of Two Families: A Parable

Once there were two families frantically hoping to board the same flight.  Both were groups of four.  One family was advised of the impending death of the wife’s mother.  The other family hoped to board this flight in order to finally take the vacation of their dreams.  

The family on holiday was delayed due to the husband forgetting his wallet and money on the table. The husband, hoping to amend for the error, drove home as fast as he could.  After grabbing the wallet full of cash, he sped back to the airport.  He cleared security, then sprinted to the gate but was too late.  Drenched in sweat, he apologized profusely to his family as his wife glared at him in anger. The gate agent politely apologized that the next flight was sold out but offered to place them on standby.  They reluctantly agree and silently prayed they could get on the flight.

Meanwhile, the other family was stuck in traffic.  Desperate anxiety filled the wife as she worried she would not reach her mother’s side before she slipped from this world to the next.  Her stomach churned in the knowledge it was the last flight of the day.  

When they finally arrived at the ticket counter to check in, they were informed they were too late.  His wife in tears, the man pleaded to be allowed to check in and explained the reason for their travel.  With compassion, they agent speedily checked them in for the flight and said she would help them get through security.  Looking at her watch, she said, “We have to hurry.”

They ran to security but were disheartened to see such a long line.  The agent asked them to wait while she found someone to usher them through. Minutes ticked by before the agent returned with a security agent in tow.  

Meanwhile, at the gate the man stood close to the counter hoping to hear good news.  His spouse fumed they would miss the first day of their vacation.  They had saved money for more than a year.  They had so many hopes.  Now it all seemed lost.  The children were bored and agitated causing great annoyance to their parents and those still in the gate area waiting to board.  

Having cleared security, the other family ran as fast as they could to their gate.  It was the furthest gate from the security check point.  As they got closer, the husband saw a family of four huddled in front of the desk.  

Choose your preferred ending:  

Option A
As the husband, since he ran fastest, neared the desk, he heard the gate agent say, “Yes sir, I understand but if this group of four isn’t here in the next minute, I’ll release their seats and you all can board.”  Everyone heard the steps and heavy breathing of the man and turned toward him.  The family of four standing at the gate were downcast.  This must be the family they hoped wouldn’t show.  Their dream vacation, the trip they planned and saved for so long wouldn’t take place that day.  They children started crying as the man walked to the gate announcing his name and that his family was right behind him.  The agent, glancing quickly at the family in front of him and back to the man, nodded and said, “Your family needs to hurry.  I have to close the door so the flight can leave.”  

The man stepped back to the hallway calling, “Hurry, hurry, they want to close the doors!”

One by one, the remaining members of his family arrived and handed the boarding passes to the agent and walked into the jetway, breathless, sweating but immensely relieved.  The other family was filled with anguish and wordlessly pleaded with heaven at the injustice of it all.  

Option B

Finally, they heard the magical words, “Here are your boarding passes.  Hurry on board so we can get the plane out on time.”  

Immense relief filled the hearts of the family around the gate desk.  They got to their seats and after everyone was settled, the husband exhaled and squeezed his wife’s hand.  She relaxed and all was forgotten about her husband’s forgetfulness.  They made it.

The other family arrived at the gate only to see the plane backing away from the gate.  Inwardly, they pleaded with heaven at the injustice of it all.  

What is this all about? 

In life, sometimes blessing and calamity are two sides of the same coin.  A blessing for one person may be a curse for another.  As I get older, I’m learning I must be thankful for everything in life, even things I don’t like.  

Friday, May 3, 2019

Hierarchy: 1


Thoroughly vexed, Alan looked at his boss, eyes pleading. “But he is supposed to be the managing these people.  That’s why we hired him.  He was to give it all believability.” 

Max said nothing as he returned the Alan’s stare.  Alan continued, “Max, you know how important all this research is.  You know how much is on the line.  Why are you throwing a monkey wrench in the works at the eleventh hour?”


His brow knitted and lips pursed, Max stared at the board room table.  With finality he announced, “No, I won’t let him become a lab rat.  Russell, make a position for him and an offer he can’t refuse.  He needs to move up the ladder.  I can see him around this table someday.  He has done well, and he’ll be surprised, but….”


Obviously unhappy with the pronouncement, Liz demanded, “But what?”


Max stopped and glared at Liz.  Like a teapot about to erupt, Max felt the pressure building.  All who observed him saw his face aglow with rage.  They knew the tempest about the crash upon them.  Eyes blazing, Max screamed with emphasis on each word, “He won’t be a lab rat!”

The silence that followed echoed off the walls.  Several attendees shifted nervously in their seats.  Liz knew Max won again. 

Max continued with strong even tones, “Paul has done everything we’ve demanded and more.  He’s worked extra hours and taken on other responsibilities.  He’s been loyal and should be rewarded.   To subject him to this just isn’t right.”  Max added with a wry grin, “Besides, he reminds me a little bit of myself when I was his age.” 

Murmuring rolled throughout the meeting room.  Liz rolled her eyes but said nothing.  When Max made up his mind there was no changing it.  At least now they knew the truth.  It was Max being Max.  All he ever really cared about was Max.  They would simply need to find another way to make it work.  It was what they did best.  In spite of all the planning, they were professionals at improvisation.  They had to be with Max at the helm. 

All those seated around the table were anxious for the trials to start and there had been many delays.  The facility was ready and subjects chosen.  Those who supplied the funding were eager to see the first fruits.  It was time to get the train moving. 

Max returned to his office and fell into his chair.  He hated to be demanding.  Actually, he didn’t care what they thought.  He was in charge of the operation and it was his decision.  No one’s neck was on the line but his. 

It was true Paul was an outstanding employee.  Everyone was surprised how quickly he learned the ropes.  He was eager and asked intelligent questions.  In no time he worked independently.  It was Liz who first noted Paul’s ability to grasp the vital points of the job.  This prompted Max to follow up with Greg, Paul’s immediate superior, to get his opinion.  Max posed the inquiry as mere curiosity but Max wanted someone who could see the big picture. 

Ultimately, Max needed an ally.  He saw the envious eyes that surrounded him in the board room.  It was a matter of time until someone tried to derail his successful run at the firm.  Nevertheless, if Max could get a fruitful harvest from the new project, he would retire in luxury.  Meanwhile, he would groom Paul to be his successor.  The rest of them could go to hell. 

Gloria recognized the look on Liz’s face as she returned from the board room.  Still she waited for Liz to speak first.  Liz marched passed Gloria and into her office.  Meanwhile, Gloria looked at Liz’s upcoming schedule.  It was clear for the rest of the day.  Gloria calmly waited for the inevitable instant message.  She was rewarded when a tone on her computer pinged.  Liz wrote, “You ready for a smoke?”

“Always”

Neither Liz nor Gloria smoked.  It was code for the two of them to go to a place where they could speak freely.  There were no cameras or microphones outside in the smoking area.  Even if there were, they spoke in hushed tones and used code words for everyone.  When alone, they discussed events in the board room and strategies to use.  When a smoker or another employee was present, they chatted about work, home, relationships or whatever suited for the moment.  No one questioned their presence in the smoking area.  They weren’t the only nonsmokers who utilized the space.  The setting, with the trees, flowers, and man-made waterfall, was soothing.  It was the only real thing about the office.  Everything else was fake.  Especially, the people. 

Nearing the smoking area, Gloria asked, “So what happened this time?”

“You know The Boy Wonder?”

“Of course, the next captain of the troops.”

“Well, El Capitan is pulling him from the study.”

“What?  Why?”

“His Highness wants him to be a pet, a yes man.  Probably to be his replacement in a few years.”

“What a crock!”

“That bastard!  If you ever want to do a case study for glass ceilings, just spend five minutes here.”

Gloria thought for a moment.  “Whadaya going to do?”

“I don’t know.  There’s not much I can do.  The Blob is supposed to give him some other special job that he can’t refuse.  He’ll probably get a big raise too.  I guess, until that happens, there is nothing to do. I’ll need to find some other way to make whoopee.”

“Make whoopee” was another code Liz and Gloria used.  It stood for actions Liz did to undermine Max. 

After some idle chit chat, Liz said, “We may as well get back to work.  I’ll kiss up to Max like always.”  As they walked side by side, Liz looked at Gloria.  In a serious tone, she added, “I appreciate you being here.  There just aren’t enough ladies here to put those coggers in their place.” 

“Yes, we need to stick together.”

“We definitely have 12 solid candidates?  Unless one of them dies or is in the hospital, I can’t afford to come up short on this in any way, shape, or form.”

“Would you relax?!  All 12 have been contacted and they each confirmed their desire to work here.  They know they will have a special work place that has all the modern amenities.  All of them sounded excited when they were offered the jobs.”

Liz exhaled in relief.  “Sorry, I can’t wait for this to start.  It’s been hanging over all of us for so long.”

Gloria laughed, “Let the fun begin.”

Liz added, “Bring on the victims.”

Friday, April 5, 2019

Shorties: 68


Cousin Bill sat on bales of cotton on a riverboat gliding down the Mississippi River.  This was the third time he’d been sold.  The first time he was 5 years old.  His new master took him stealthily while all were asleep.  In a dream, he was floating.  He knew he was gliding across the lands of the earth and was a magical being.  When reality seeped into his consciousness, his whimper awoke his mother.  For the rest of his life, his mother’s heart rending screams pounded his ears. 

This master was kind and he even learned to read.  While he never forgot his mother, Cousin Bill accepted his lot in life.  He got religion on his 20th birthday and steadfastly read the bible daily, trying to live the life taught in the scriptures.  Then he was sold again.

Master Peterson was a kind man and cried when telling Cousin Bill he would have a new owner.  “But massa Peedason,” Cousin Bill gasped in despair, “wat’d I do wrong?  Ayz sorry massa.  Ayz won’t duagin, ayz promis.”

Master Peterson slowly exhaled, “Now Cousin Bill, you’ve done nothing wrong.  I have debts to this man and….”  His voice trailed off.  Cousin Bill felt his heart sink further as he searched his owner’s eyes.  Finally, Master Peterson added, “I don’t have a choice.  I’m sorry but I don’t.”

Cousin Bill’s faith was sorely tested under his austere new owner.  Master Van Dyke also believed in God.  Cousin Bill’s God was one that gave to those in need, and loved his neighbor as himself.  Master Van Dyke read the same bible as Cousin Bill.  However, his religion was more about personal piety.  He quoted verses Cousin Bill had read but, somehow missed.

The first time Cousin Bill was bound to the whipping post, Master Van Dyke quoted, “And that servant that knoweth his lord’s will, and prepared himself not, nor having done according to his will, shalt be beaten with many stripes.” 

Even after his back healed, the scars on his soul remained.  Like the scar that time may heal, but not remove, the flogged man remembers his degradation.  The whip not only wounds the flesh, it wounds the spirit.  Thereafter, Cousin Bill’s gaiety was empty.  Sometimes his countenance became suddenly blank in the midst of the day. It was the whip entering the soul anew.

Now he was going down river.  It was a place all Negros knew was worse than death.  How he wished he could unhook the shackles from the boat and cast himself into the river.  The weight of the irons would ensure he would never resurface.  He preferred to be eaten by creatures of the deep than live another day.  In his misery, Cousin Bill never noticed the fair skinned little girl board the boat with her family.  He didn’t hear her exclaim to her parents upon spying Cousin Bill upon the cotton bales, “Mommy, daddy, I just saw a chocolate person!”

Alone in his thoughts, Cousin Bill wanted to lash out at the world with all the anger and desperation forced down for the last 7 years but he feared more beatings.  After the boat cast off, he saw her, vibrant and with a face of joy.  Hopeless and brimming with despair, Cousin Bill was drawn to watch her move about the boat.  He saw she was watching him. 

Ever so slowly, she closed the space between them.  Finally, she started talking to him, about the boat and it being her first boat ride.  Cousin Bill was reminded of Master Peterson’s oldest daughter, Miss Cora.  She’d always been kinds to him.  This little girl asked, “Why do you have chains on your legs?”

Embarrassed, Cousin Bill said, “Well, uh, I been sol to a new massa.”

“I’m Emily.  What’s your name?”

“Bill but dey call me Cousin Bill, Miss Emily.”

The girl beamed in a sweet smile.  “Are you my cousin?”

Warmed by her smile, Cousin Bill replied, “Ayz don buhleev so, miss.  Yourn folk not like mines.”

“Can you play with me?”

Cousin Bill lifted a shackled leg and said, “Be kina hawd ta play like dis, Miss Emily.”

Emily frowned as the gears of her mind turned.  Her mother started calling and admonishing her to “stay away from the niger.”  She faced Cousin Bill and said, “You’re nice Cousin Bill.  We will play when you get those things off your legs.”  She turned and ran for her mother.

A singular hope filled him.  Cousin Bill whispered, “Ayz hopes weez do, Miss Emily.  Ay sho hopes weez do.”

A crack appeared in the callous of Cousin Bill’s soul.  In such a brief moment, the pure heart of Emily touched him indelibly.  Her genuine compassion was a sweet aroma in the sulfurous hell that was Cousin Bill’s life.  With love, it was possible not to see the color of a man’s skin.  Love makes no requirements or demands.  It simply does what it knows.  Love loves.

Conversations: Seek What is Real

  I recently met with a friend I hadn't seen for a few years.  He is a former pastor and current first responder chaplain.  There is so ...