Heart of Warmth

Morning thoughts
Rolling over with visions
Pulling you close
Feeling your heat
A fire burns
Screaming to be stilled
 
Closer still, my lips part
Seeking your taste
You playfully bite
Burn my lips
Euphoria pours in
My soul exults
Passions subside
I love you
Coffee

(C) November 2017

Duane Windell Phillips

Shorties: Number 48

This is an excerpt from my story The Parting.


Maria, MIA’s mom, spoke to him privately that night.  She wanted to impress upon Jack her appreciation for his friendship to her son, Miguel.  Though he was gone, in some way, Jack was a surrogate.  More than anything, she had to drive home one point.  She said, “Jack, you know how I feel about people using their God given talents.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Have you read Matthew 25 to know about the story that means so much to me?”

“Yes, I have, several times.” 

“It has always struck me how important it is to God that we use what He has given us.  He will one day take an account of how we use it.  I used to wonder why Jesus mentioned that the one who didn’t use his talents would be cast out into the darkness where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth.  It seemed harsh for God to throw someone into hell for not using their talents.  I spoke about this with a pastor.  He said it isn’t so much going into hell but the sorrow is so great over wasted opportunities people will cry and clench their teeth in severe anxiety.”  There was silence as the point was driven home.  Then Maria continued. 

“Jack, I see a lot of talent in you.  God has given you much.  To whom much is given, much is expected.  God has placed you on this earth for a reason.  The world is an empty place when you withhold your gifts but we all benefit when you use what God has given you.”

Gratitude washed of Jack and he began to cry.  Maria reached and pulled him in for an affectionate, motherly hug.  She whispered softly, “Oh papito.  You are such a good boy.” 

“How can you tell?  I’ve been such a, a, slug since I’ve been here.”

“I know a good person when I see them.” 

The next few days, Jack considered the blessings in his life.  In spite of his father dying, he still had a strong family unit.  He had been given many abilities.  If a person who has little and doesn’t use it is sad, how much more will someone weep and gnash his teeth when he was given much?  He felt he had an embarrassment of gifts.  He found himself praying for God’s guidance as to which gifts did God want him to use for the benefit of the world.  He wanted to leverage his gifts to their maximum usage. 

Shorties: Number 47

Dennis stormed to his room.  She’d done it again.  A minor infraction was twisted into something akin to murder.  Repeatedly badgered with accusations, Dennis tried to calmly explain his point.  No matter, his mother continued her assault.  Why didn’t he do the dishes sooner?  Why wasn’t he more attentive to his chores?  A mixture of exasperation and embarrassment filled him.  He knew his responsibilities.  Still, he was lazy for a few hours and now was paying the price. 

Anger simmered beneath the surface.  It was an omnipresent fixture and Trudy knew no other way.  In her mind she simply expressed what she felt.  There was no bottling up her feelings only for them to erupt after years of pain.  That was madness.  When something made her angry, she believed it should be let out.  However, it was like an oxidizer being dumped into her soul and flames instantly burned through causing lava, ash and darkness to spew out.  All those nearby were wrapped up in the suffocating atmosphere as it drained life from them.  As quickly as the firestorm built and exploded, it was over and she was content once again. 

Meanwhile, those caught in the barrage numbly stumbled about feeling their way forward.  They knew TNT was in vast supply and danger always lurked.  Consequently, her family knew how to maintain their behavior and language to assuage Trudy’s demons.  She was blinded to the fact each detonation widened the chasm between Trudy and her children.  Dennis, her oldest, longed for college.  Once he walked out the door, he didn’t want to return. 

Being a mother, Trudy was in tune to the growing distance from her children but never fathomed the reason.  Dennis once even asked his mother to not be so angry.  This promptly burned another flashpoint.  From that point forward, Dennis knew not to waste time reasoning with his mother.  Her anger rose too easily.  He would simply bide his time until his release. 

Shorties: Number 46

Touchdown jolted him fully awake.  Tony jumped in his seat causing his two seatmates to look at him.  Both regarded him with disdain since Tony snored the whole trip.  Neither said a word as Tony looked about trying to comprehend where he was and why he was there.  Remembrance dawned as Tony remembered working his full shift the previous evening before driving to the airport for his 8:00 AM flight.  He had to be with family on Thanksgiving Day but it wasn’t the reason for the trip. 

He considered himself fortunate to find a flight at the last minute.  Given the circumstances, he really had no choice.  He couldn’t drive across the country with the short time he had but needed to be there for his family.  Trying to suppress emotions of that thought, Tony said, “I’m sorry if I snored.”

The lady seated next at the window said, “No, it wasn’t too bad.”  She lied.

Still shaking the cobwebs from his head, he turned on his cell phone and after the cell signal connected, text messages began rolling in, causing multiple ring tones to erupt into the cabin.  Tony reduced the volume but they kept coming.  Passengers seated four rows forward turned to see who was so rude as to cause such a disturbance.  After 15-20 messages received, the lady next to him remarked, “You’re a popular man.”

Absentmindedly, Tony said, “My nephew committed suicide yesterday.”

Shock met Tony’s seatmates and they chimed, “I’m so sorry.” “My condolences.”

Tony felt bad for them.  It is a rotten situation to hear about.  What do you say to that other than what they just said?  What would he say to his brother who found his son?  A young man of 24, Stephen had a promising future.  What could have pushed him to hang himself?  What words can be pulled together to console the father who found his son in the moments before death stopped playing around and took him.  Who knows how long he struggled before his father thought to open the door?

What thoughts crossed Stephen’s mind when he realized death wouldn’t come quickly?  How long did he struggle?  Tony’s mind boggled to consider it.  What about his brother who found his son like that?  What do you say to someone after an impossible situation as he tried to save his son?  Bitterness filled his heart as Tony gathered his carryon and exited the plane. 

He walked passed baggage claim and to the curb.  His mother’s white Buick pulled.  After sitting in the passenger seat he turned to his mother.  Her face revealed all Tony needed to know about her heart.  She was broken.  He had never seen her like this before but his spirit completely identified.  After standard, automated greetings, Tony asked, “How’s Will?”

“As well as can be expected.”  She searched for words happier words but none that meant anything could be found.  She simply looked at her son with eyes that spoke desolation.  Her grandson was gone.  He chose to leave them all and went in a horrible fashion.  How she wished Will hadn’t found Stephen still alive.  It would have been bad enough to find him dead but to see him fighting against the tide with dwindling strength sucked the life from father and son.  Will blamed himself and was inconsolable. 

During the ride, Tony braced himself for the inevitable.  He could think of nothing to say to his Will.  When he finally saw his big brother, he spoke the only words that made sense.  “I’m so sorry, Will.  I love you and I’m here for you.” 

Shorties: Number 45

Norman remembered the touch.  He couldn’t tell his buddy now.  He’d never hear the end of it.  Still, it was a moment between the two of them that remained with him.  What was it about Jessica that was different? 

 

She came from a family of means but never was one to flaunt it.  Jess gave glimpses of childhood difficulties.  Perhaps that is why, in spite of her physical beauty, she was humble.  All the pretty girls where Norman grew up were snobbish.  Consequently, Norman was standoffish when they first met.  He thought Jessica was too nice.  Pretty girls who were nice were simply teasing. 

 

All along, Norman hoped Jess was genuine.  How he hoped the foretastes he thought he saw were true.  It turned out she was 24 carat gold.  Like pure gold is soft, so was Jessica.  Norman saw her heart and recognized kindness and beauty.  Little by little, they bared their hearts to one another and loved deepened between them.  The two loved one another for the duration of their college years. 

 

When the time came for college to end, Norman was torn.  He wanted to ask for her hand in marriage but knew she had plans to pursue a graduate degree.  In spite of the intertwining of their hearts, their roads were different.  Consequently, the night they said goodbye, Jessica knew. 

 

She knew the love they shared.  She lived it with him.  Still, both understood life was pulling them in different directions.  As much as Norman loved Jessica, he couldn’t ask her to give up her dreams even if it was to be with him.  For all the desire Jessica had to pursue a post graduate degree, she wanted to marry Norman. 

 

Until it was time to say final goodbyes, Jessica hoped Norman would say something to indicate he wanted a life together.  It never came.  They hugged tightly and kissed passionately before Norman turned to leave.  Jessica held his arm for a moment as tears flowed.  She searched his eyes for answers.  All she saw was pain.  She understood and loved him even more. 

 

In the last moment before they parted forever, she said with her eyes she understood.  Her hand told him it was ok.  It killed her but it would be ok.  It wasn’t until now talking with his friend, Norman fully understood.  Jessica was the perfect woman for him but he let her go.  Armed with the knowledge of her sacrifice, he knew if he ever got a second chance, it would not be squandered.