Imagine

Imagine

The dreams buried deep in your soul becoming tangible.

The pent up aspiration for life bursting forth in a blossom of reality.

Imagine

Your life on the mountaintop of fullness.

Visions that waited since conception till now, their perfect completion in birth.

Imagine

Love so grand and overflowing to plant those seeds of hope .

To see through the process of fertilization, birth, and life of your dreams.

Imagine

Beauty, contentment, light, and love.

Love that brings to life each and every good thing your heart  can visualize is yours for the taking.

Imagine

September 11, 2001

Like most people, I have many things burned into my memory of 9/11.  I work for a major US airline and I arrived early that day in hopes of finishing a special project I was doing.  It was basically data entry and I spent my time entering the information while listening to music through my earphones.  As coworkers arrived, we exchanged greetings.  

I remember noticing a change in the air.  I poked my head out of my cubicle and noticed people gathered around another cubicle down the hall.  I walked there to see what was going on.  I learned a plane crashed into one of the Twin Towers.  I instantly thought of a B25 that crashed into the Empire State Building many years ago.  We wondered how this could have happened since we understood the weather was clear.  (Let me note here that no one in our office had a television.  Some people had radios and that was the only news source we had.)

We all speculated some more and various coworkers came and went and eventually I returned to my cubicle.  A short time later I heard murmuring above the music in my headphones.  Again, I walked down to learn the news.  A second plane hit the other tower.  We all instantly knew the first was not an accident.  Of course, a short time later, another plane crashed into the Pentagon.  By this time, it was reported the airlines and aircraft types of the planes used.  We couldn't help but think that the company names, Amercian and United, played a roll in planning of this plot.  

I wanted to work on my project but the desire to know what was happening pulled me into various cubicles to hear the latest.  I remember hearing of a plane that flew over the Capitol.  Would it come back and crash into it or the White House?  

For me, the most vivid memory was sitting in Mark's office, which was across from mine, and listening to the reports on the radio.  Suddenly, the announcer exclaimed the second tower to be struck was falling.  He used the description that is was falling like dominoes.  Mark and I gaped at each other, unable to comprehend what we were hearing.  How was it falling?  Like a domino?  Was it tipping over and crashing onto other buildings?  How many people were still the building?  Could anyone survive?  

 Of course, we heard about a plane heading toward Washington, DC that Air Traffic Control couldn't contact.  Then it crashed.  The other tower collapsed.  Bewilderment permeated the whole office.  Since I worked just up to the hall to where I currently work, I heard of our CEO and other executives rushing up the hall to stay abreast of the events.  

Sometime around noon, our director pulled us all together and told us what she knew.  Also, if we felt compelled to leave for the day we could.  I had a burning desire to get my kids out of school.  They had heard something happened but didn't completely understand it all.  I was anxious to get home and watch the news reports.  Like everyone else, I was filled with horror.  

I remember the awe of not seeing an airplane in the sky.  I remember wondering what would happen to the airline industry.  Would my company survive?  My job?  

Each year, memories of that day flood my mind and heart.  Anyone who works in the airline industry will tell you it gets in your blood.  I am happy to still have it in my veins.  Though my office it normally too far, I still like the smell of jet exhaust when it blows my way.  I am happy 9/11 didn't stop the turbines from spinning.
#remember9/11

Depression

Like a smothering black blanket it wraps coils of despair
Ever tightening, it suffocates, cutting off light and life
Apathy, despondency, dejection
Dark clouds hang
Sadness permeates
Interest in life sags
Ever fading
Ever sinking
Depression

Driftwood: Part XVIII

The next 45 minutes were a whirlwind.  After paying the departure fee, Nick filled out forms and got in line to check in for his flight.  He and other passengers stood in line as they waited for airline employees to man the ticket counter.  There were a couple airport employees standing in front of the queue and they looked over his passport and asked some security questions.  Once check in was complete he had to clear security.  Once that was done, he headed for the concourse.

As he entered the concourse, there was a Café Brit shop on the right.  Since he still had time, he decided to see what they had.  Along the main wall, there were coffee, cookies, and other snack items for sale and to sample.  Nick decided he needed to sample everything and particularly liked the chocolate covered coffee beans.  Therefore, he decided to purchase some.  Then he remembered he never bought any coffee to bring home.  Nick spent more money there than he planned but looked forward to having some good Costa Rican coffee at home.  He stopped by the food court and got breakfast and then headed for the gate. 

Once he was on the plane, and the whole process of check in and getting on board the plane was finished, he started to relax.  Part of him wanted to sleep but another part wanted to remember all he had experienced.  The last week had heartache, happiness, new sights, friends and new foods.  There was so much and it seemed he couldn’t process it all.  He wondered how he could tell his family all about his week.  Could words really express all he felt?

He looked out the window.  Clouds covered the far-off mountains and there appeared to be some rain in the distance.  Nick watched the last of the passengers board the flight.  There seemed to be a couple missionary groups boarding.  They had matching shirts that noted their church.  It was then Nick realized there were more US citizens in the airport than Ticos. 
The next thing he knew, the flight attendant woke him to ask if he wanted breakfast.  Even though he ate something prior to boarding, he was hungry.  The meal was yogurt and a breakfast bar and coffee or juice.  Air travel sure has changed since he did his first business trip too many years ago. 


Looking out the window when the flight was on approach, Nick could clearly see the Chicago skyline.  It was a welcome sight.  He noted the Dan Ryan and Kennedy expressways.  The sky was cloudless and the sun shone brightly.  As soon as the plane touched down in Chicago, he took out his cell phone, turned it on and called his daughter, Jennifer.  She answered on the third ring with an excited, “Hi daddy!  How was your trip?” 

“It was great, thank you.  How was your week?”

The two of them briefly discussed major points of the week.  Then Nick asked if she would pick him up.  She would and planned to arrive outside the terminal in about 40 minutes.  When the two of them met they gave each other a warm embrace.  Jenny asked, “How was it, dad?”
“Much better than I thought.  I’ll have to tell you all about it later.  Can you believe I got to go to a volcano?”

Nick arrived home to the empty house he left.  His boys visited later and Nick gave out presents to them as he did with his daughter earlier when she dropped him off at the house.  When they went to their respective homes, Nick suddenly felt alone.  He wished Mark and Pat were around.  He decided to send them an email advising he arrived safely.  Once that was finished, Nick wasn’t sure what to do other than begin his laundry. 

With laundry started, Nick walked to his bedroom.  He stood there for a moment unsure what to do next.  He felt conflicted.  He just had a wonderful experience and was happy about it but now he felt like a fish out of water.  It was as if he had grown and his surroundings no longer could accommodate him. 

Nick considered the positives of his trip.  Now he was certain he could go on after Gwen’s death.  He knew he had people who cared for him.  He had a good family and good friends, some of which were new friends.  He had a good job.  Last but not least, he once again believed God was in control.  He had a plan for Nick’s benefit, and would never leave him alone. 

He thought of the driftwood back on that Jaco beach.  It still was not back in its home.  It was there in the sand and other people would come and sit on it.  It would be useful where it was.  Nick was not back to where he was prior to Gwen’s death but he was back home and would be a useful person.  He loved his family and wanted to be there for them.  There was a young family that lived close to him and he wanted to be a friend to them.  He had friends in Costa Rica and he wanted to get to know them in a deeper and richer way.  He was open to God’s plan and would take it one step at a time in faith.  

Driftwood: Part XVII

Silence filled the car as Nick rode with Mark and Pat to the San Jose Juan Santamaria Airport.  Nick was lost in his thoughts when he realized this was the longest the three of them remained silent.  He figured it was because they were tired.  Finally, Pat broke the stillness. 

“Do you have $28.00 for the departure tax?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Good!  You have to pay that before you check in.  As soon as you walk into the terminal, turn to the right and go all the way to the end and you’ll see the counters on the right where you pay.”

“Thank you.”

Silence returned to the car.  It was still dark outside but the earliest hints of sunrise were starting to appear.  There was approximately 45 more minutes until they reached the airport.  Then he would go through the doors and the journey to normal life would begin.  The more he thought about it, the more Nick realized that his time in Costa Rica was much more than he hoped but it still wasn’t his life.  Real life was back in Illinois.  He wished he could bring some of Costa Rica back with him and not only what was in his heart. He wanted to package it and show it to his kids in a manner in which they could appreciate it.  Sometimes, words are meaningless to express the heart.

He had to say something to Mark and Pat.  He had to express all that was in his soul but that just wasn’t done by people like him.  Nevertheless, he had to express his gratitude.  He would start simple and small.  His voice croaked as he said, “I can’t tell both of you how much it means to me how you took me under your wing the last few days.”

Both Mark and Pat said in unison, “Don’t mention it.”

“No I mean it.  You both were very kind and hospitable and you helped me get through a rough spot in my life.  I can’t thank you enough.” 

Nick was glad it was still dark since it would be more difficult for Mark to see the tears starting to flow.  Pat reached up and put her hand on Nick’s shoulder and said, “You are a wonderful man and we are so happy to meet you.  You have a place to stay any time you come back.”

“Thank you.”

Mark chimed in, “We mean it.  The next time you come down you stay with us.” 

“Well, whenever you are in Chicago, I have a room for you.  I’ll even get my daughter to cook for you.  If she cooks you’ll stay a while.  If I cook, you probably won’t last the first day.” 

“We could do a summer trip but we aren’t going there when the snowballs are flying.”

“I don’t blame you.”

The rest of the ride was quiet with short conversations on unimportant topics.  Nick noted the road was getting busier and deduced they were nearing the airport.  He wished he could sneak Mark and Pat onto the plane with him.  Then he heard Mark say, “Here we are.”  Nick saw the terminal and a few airplanes.  A lump formed in his throat. 

They pulled up to the curb near one of the entrances and came to a stop.  Mark put the car in Park and shut off the engine.  No one moved for a moment and then, as if on command, each opened a door.  After getting his luggage from the car, Nick stood for a moment looking at his friends.  Pat had tears in her eyes as she stepped forward and hugged him.  “I’m gonna miss you, Nick.” She said.

Then she stepped back and Mark stepped forward with an outstretched hand.  Nick took the hand into his own and shook it.  Then he said, “That’s not quite gonna do it for me.” And he leaned forward and reached his free hand around Mark’s shoulder.  The two of them embraced for a moment.  Nick whispered, “Thank you.  Thank you so much for everything.” 

The two of them parted and Mark said, “Don’t forget, you stay with us when you come back.  You notice I said When and not If.” 

Nick smiled and replied, “Yes, old man I noticed.”  Pat snickered but Mark acted indignant as he said, “Well forget it now.  I’m not gonna put up with people treating me so shabbily.”  Nick smiled and added, “I’m gonna miss you guys.”

Pat said, “The feeling is mutual.”

With that, Nick collected his bags, putting the carry-on on top of the roller and headed for the door waving at them as he walked.  Once the doors opened and he walked through the threshold, he focused his attention forward and on the business of getting home.  

Driftwood: Part XVI

Even though Nick had a wake up call from the hotel set up and the alarms set on the room clock and his iPad, he woke several times that night as his mind thought it was time to awaken.  Each time he looked at the clock, he was surprised he had only slept a short time since the last time he looked.  Finally, 30 minutes before it was time to get up, he got out of bed and decided to get going.  He called the front desk to cancel the wake up call and asked them to get the bill ready. 

He took a quick shower to try to clear the cobwebs from his head.  That helped a little.  Then he made a cup of coffee with the coffee pot in his room.  With coffee cup in hand, walked to the front desk to get the bill finalized.  The front desk clerk handed him the itemized bill and Nick read over each line.  He saw no surprises and left it on the credit card.  He advised the clerk he would be leaving shortly and had a ride.  With that done, he started for the last visit he would make during this trip.  He would sit one final time on the driftwood.

After walking through the back gate, Nick stood for a few moments looking at the lights that lined the beach.  He closed his eyes and allowed his ears, nose, and, skin to soak in every sensation they could.  This would be the last time he visited any beach for the foreseeable future.  He wanted to take it all in.  Finally, Nick walked to the driftwood.  Once there, he stood for a moment looking down at it.  In the darkness of the early morning, it looked much like that first night.  He turned to face the ocean and slowly lowered himself down.  He took a sip of coffee and thoughts raced through his mind.  He wasn’t sure what to say.  

He started, “Well my friend, it has been quite a week.  A few days ago, I was a very broken man.  I imagine that if you have feelings, you probably could have identified with my emotions.  I’m sure you were once a proud tree and your roots ran deep into the earth.  How you ended up here I will never know, but I am happy you are here.  Maybe you aren’t.  Maybe you would prefer to be back where you grew up but you helped me through a rough spot in my life.  You helped me see that God has a plan for my life.  Even if it doesn’t guarantee me happiness all the time, I know now there are good things that can come from pain and loss.

“When we allow God to do His work, we can be used for His ultimate plan.  Even if we are tattered and broken, He can make beautiful things of us.  We are unique and there are things God wants to do with us that only we can do.  If they aren’t done, I now believe the world may suffer because of it.  Anyway, I wanted to share that with you.  I’m sure Gwen is in heaven laughing at me now as I talk to you but that’s ok.  I’m sure she is also happy I’m trusting God again.  You take care of yourself.  Maybe I’ll come visit you again.”

Nick looked one last time up the beach to his left and right and took a few more sips of coffee.  He leaned his head back to take the last few drops and noted a bit of grit.  Then placed crumpled the cup, placed both hands on the driftwood and pushed himself up.  He turned around and headed to his room and finished packing.  Ten minutes before Mark and Pat said they would arrive, he looked through the room for the last time.  He searched in each drawer and under the beds and chairs for items he may have misplaced.  Finding nothing, he went to the door.  He set his luggage outside and looked around the room for a moment.  He took it all in one last time and then flipped the light off and shut the door.  

Driftwood: Part XV

As Nick settled into bed that night, he reflected on the day.  He enjoyed pizza and chatting with Kevin at the pizza place.  He learned they had a Facebook page and Nick promised to “Like” them whenever he started on Facebook.  As they said their goodbyes, Nick asked for a recommendation of a place where he could get some gifts for his family.  Kevin pointed out a shop a few blocks away.

Once there, Nick purchased some gifts for his children and then a couple small items for the Fisher family who traveled with him to the Arenal Volcano on the tour.  Then he flagged down a cab and returned to the hotel.  Once in his room, he started packing things into his luggage.  As he did, memories tried to flood in but he blocked them out.  He wasn’t ready to be emotional just yet.  He planned to have dinner with Mark and Pat.  He knew Mark would give him grief if he was a blubbering mess.

As always, mealtime with those special people was enjoyable even if it was short.  Nick knew he had to get back and into bed early since they would leave early in the morning.  He was leaving on a flight at 8:15 AM.  Now he wished he had booked a later flight but this one was a few dollars cheaper and that was the deciding factor at the time.  He would pay the price in the morning with sleepy eyes and a groggy mind. 

He finished laying out clothes for the following day and packed everything else but toiletries.  Then he considered visiting the driftwood.  He stood for a moment with his hands on his suitcase.  Should he go now?  He wanted to but did feel sleepy.  He decided to visit his Costa Rican friend early in the morning.  With that decision made, he got into bed. 

Nick closed his eyes and considered the events of the previous days.  Never in his wildest dreams would he have thought that this place would work its way into his heart the way it did.  He genuinely felt he was taking a piece of it home with him.  Costa Rica would always be in his heart.  It was a special place and the people were also special.  He hoped to return some day.